As you swipe through your social feed, you see a post with a bunch of your friends on what looks like the most fun night out they’ve had in a while—but you weren’t there. Maybe you weren’t invited (the worst), or perhaps you were just busy. Either way, the mixture of feelings that rise up inside you isn’t pretty. Jealousy first. Then you try to be happy for them. But then you feel angry you weren’t there. That might turn to resentment. You might wonder if they were glad you weren’t there, which leads to questioning whether you’re actually any fun to be around. You may spiral into wanting some type of unwarranted “revenge.” After some minutes or hours, you end up feeling bummed about your own life, your friend group and all the opportunities you’ve missed out on.

This type of negativity, born from comparing our own circumstances to those of others, is as old as human relationships. There is literally a Commandment about it (the 10th). But the closeness we experience from social networks magnifies those feelings by exposing us to events, experiences and details of people’s lives that our ancestors would’ve never even known about.

Nobody is immune. A girl sees someone on social media she thinks is more beautiful than she is, and feels rotten. The influencer with 20,000 followers feels inadequate compared to the one with 50,000. The traveler who just returned from an unforgettable trip envies his friend who’s now in Hawaii. Someone enjoying a normal weeknight having fun doing a hobby now suddenly feels lonely when she sees someone else’s impromptu outdoor movie night that same night (Okay, these examples are getting weirdly specific).

The point is: we’ve all been there. So how can we cut short those feelings of negativity before they spend too much time in our heads rent free? Here are some thoughts for you. If you don’t already use social media, good! My advice is: don’t start. Or, at the very least, only use apps and services that are truly just about communication with others, without all the baggage that comes from image-and-experience-sharing networks.

1. Be Choosy About Whom You Follow, Engage With and Are Friends With

Remember the positives that social media can bring, and ruthlessly cut out the accounts you follow that bring you negativity from comparison. I follow photographers, travelers and menswear accounts to inspire me. I’ve met countless people from all around the world with whom I share a common interest that bring us into a community, because of social media. I’ve been able to engage with people in highly visible roles that might count as “famous,” because the walls of separation have come down between normies like me and them, all through social media. Those are examples of the good that can come from social networks.

But a few years ago, I started paying attention to how different people’s posts tended to make me feel, and ruthlessly unfollowed, muted and unfriended
those who were not edifying to me.
“.  . . Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8, English Standard Version). Whether it was politicians, news organizations or even personal connections—I prioritized my mental and spiritual well-being over whatever drama or negativity was entering my life through my feed.

2. Turn Off App Notifications

Instead of allowing an app to elbow its way into your focus by a push notification banner or a red dot (which app makers notoriously abuse through advertisements masquerading as “notifications”), choose for yourself when to engage with each app—on your own terms and only when you’re ready to. Of course, there will be one or two apps you will want or need to see notifications from right away (like Messages/Texts), but honestly, that list should be short. The rest can wait! I turned off push notifications and banners for most of my apps a few years ago, and I noticed that the number of apps I actually used declined. There were a surprising number of apps that I just never thought to open. Bliss.

3. Find a Physical Hobby to Engage In

If you don’t replace the doom-scrolling with something else, your brain will begin itching for those tiny dopamine hits that our phones dole out with such abandon. We all have a hardwired need to be productive. An easy idea is just to go for a hike, or ride your bike. But it could also be doing some kind of craft. There’s something about the physical constraints of real things that make it more satisfying than doing things digitally. A friend of my dad’s who taught a CAD (Computer Aided Design) class for a living said when he got home from work the last thing he wanted to do was be on a screen, so he loved gardening, hiking and fixing up things around his house.

4. Set App Limits and Stick to Them

Make a schedule for when you’ll use certain apps. I use Instagram as a tool to earn money. The incentives with that are a little different, but not really—my goal is to build a following, because the more followers I have, the bigger the audience from which I can earn money. That’s different than just getting likes and feeling the little dopamine rush—but not really, and in fact may be worse, since there’s a financial incentive to use the app constantly. To ensure my wife and kids get my full attention, which they deserve, I try to schedule my IG usage when I’m not with them (so, before they’re up, after bedtime, or if I set aside time to work on the side hustle). iPhones and Androids can help you set timers for the apps, too, which works well.

Bonus Tip: How About a Tech/Social Media Sabbath?

The idea of “taking a Sabbath” from tech may seem overused at times, but c’mon, it’s a good idea and we all know it. The seventh day we observe is super great for pausing our normal daily routines, including tech and social media. If we’re doing it right, it can help us reset our anxieties, worries and stresses by reminding us of the big picture—of God’s role in our lives and our relationship with Him. Being engaged on social media brings our nose right back down into the chaos of the everyday. Even if you don’t forsake all tech, you can avoid the apps that are the most toxic—the image-based apps and the ones that inundate you most with the culture of this world (the culture of death). That way you can focus on the culture of God, Jesus Christ and His Kingdom (the culture of life). “Let us . . . lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:1b-2, ESV).

Make Your Move

Make today the day that you choose to be intentional in how you engage with social media. Fully reckon with the negatives you’re feeling from these apps and choose a new, more mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy path forward.

For more ideas and information on the known negatives associated with social media, see these resources:

berkeleywellbeing.com/negative-effects-of-social-media-and-seven-tips-to-undo-them.html

mcleanhospital.org/essential/it-or-not-social-medias-affecting-your-mental-health

mcleanhospital.org/podcast-link-between-social-media-mental-health