My sister and I are identical twins, and it usually takes others some time to tell us apart. In school I remember classmates calling us just “the twins” instead of using our names, and questioning why we needed two sets of school pictures when we could just make copies.

Consequently, I fought to become my own person. I identified myself as the writer and she the artist. I was the shortstop and she the centerfielder. And I felt passionately about these differences. They weren’t arbitrary; they seemed destined and essential.

But I also resented the way that others tried to force on us differences that weren’t really there. When classmates weren’t pretending we were the same person, they were insisting that we were like yin and yang—only together were we complete. To them I was the quiet one while she was friendly. I became discouraged by my failed attempts at making others see me as an original, not a mirror image or a polar opposite.

I had a shaky sense of personal identity. I longed to understand who I was and what made me unique. I loved taking personality tests and often questioned whether my actions and even emotions were “true to myself.” I wanted to feel valuable not because of things I accomplished, but because of who I was. When I looked into God’s Word on the matter, I finally found what I was looking for.

The power to choose a positive identity

Originally, I thought of my personal identity as unchanging and inherent. But God’s Word explains that I have the opportunity to decide how it develops (Deuteronomy 30:19-20). Who I am as a person can and must change over time. In To Know as We Are Known: Education as a Spiritual Journey, Parker Palmer writes: “Each one of us has to make his way while choosing between the paths that are urged upon him and those that are forbidden or strewn with obstacles. He is not himself from the outset; nor does he just ‘grow aware’ of what he is; he becomes what he is. He doesn’t merely ‘grow aware’ of his identity; he acquires it step by step.”

God created humans with the potential to think creatively and perform a variety of occupations successfully. I choose how I act and what I study and which skills I develop; I have free will. My likes and dislikes, my tendencies and habits are free to change, and will change over time, even more than I expect.

The Bible also tells of another spirit. Ephesians 2:1 describes those people who before baptism followed Satan into disobedience. Verse two calls Satan a spirit that influences the whole world. Because of this influence and the free will given to mankind, all people develop bad habits, think and act sinfully or desire things that can hurt them and others. Satan will steer me his way unless God calls me and I respond. Through baptism and the gift of God’s Holy Spirit in me, and a continual and active choosing of God’s way, I can overcome negative patterns, my human nature, and sin. I must turn toward God and ask Him to replace Satan’s spirit with His Spirit. Romans 12:1-2 explains that if I submit to God, He will give me the ability to know and become what is “good and acceptable and perfect.”

God loves individuality

This doesn’t mean that I try to become someone else I’m not. Individual differences are extremely valuable to God. 1 Corinthians 12:17 says: “If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?” (English Standard Version). God does not want me to mimic another or eliminate diversity. God gives each individual unique skills and strengths for a purpose. Every member in God’s Church receives the same Holy Spirit during the laying on of hands at baptism, but this Spirit shows itself differently through each person. In the same chapter we ready before, the apostle Paul also explains: “Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good” (1 Corinthians 12:4-7, ESV).

My new eternal identity

Learning more about God’s love for me allowed me to begin letting go of the frantic need to display my own uniqueness to others. I am not defined by my desires or emotions, nor am I defined by the topics I’ve studied or the physical skills I’ve acquired. I don’t have to be limited by what other people perceive. All of this is constantly shifting over time.

Instead, my personal identity is defined by the godly character and spiritual gifts that God sees as my potential. What grounds me and links me to my future self is my godly character and how I display that character to others. My identity is defined by the effort I put into seeking God and submitting myself to His plan for me. God values who I am now because He created me, and He sees and cherishes the potential in me.

Others, who do not ground themselves in God, are constantly redefining themselves (often in their own image and not God’s image), just as I eagerly tried to do earlier in life. Ultimately, we are all going to be transformed into God’s image of our potential in order to be in His family (Philippians 3:21). The closer I mirror that image now, the truer to myself I become.

God promises to inspire and guide my personal development. And because of His plan I am a unique and valuable part of a larger community—God’s Church. With each person’s individual gifts displayed and put to use, the Church begins to reflect the image of God. Like pieces of a puzzle, individuals in God’s family each have a special place and purpose, a need for each other, and the opportunity to create something greater than themselves when together (2 Corinthians 3:18).

I can influence my identity, which means I am responsible for seeking God and striving to do His will. But I also have the promise of God’s help through His Holy Spirit and His passionate desire for me to be part of His family. I can overcome all negative habits and personal weaknesses through Him. And I’m starting to understand that God’s vision for who I am is incredible and surpasses even what I imagined for myself.