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Rejoice With Me!

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My oldest son died last summer. Surviving the loss of your child isn’t easy, though we are greatly comforted by God’s plan of what is to come. I tossed and turned and woke every hour the first few nights. I went for long walks by myself, just to relieve some of the stress.

But mostly, I prayed. So did many wonderful brethren, too. Soon I felt as if God had cradled me in His hand and I could sleep in peace again. Every card and hug meant so much more than I can say. “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26, New International Version).

I write not about the suffering part, which God has miraculously healed, but about the rejoicing. I know you will rejoice with me when you hear this story.

When I was a small child, my younger sister blurted out that our daddy was not my daddy, just her daddy. A relative told her this. I was shocked. But once I knew I had another daddy, I wanted to know all about him. I pestered my mother for all of the information I could get about who my father was.

My mother gave me his name. He was a six-foot-tall blonde-haired German, she said. They were very young. Their parents had sabotaged their marriage. He joined the army, and her mother burned all his letters, save one, which my mother read to me. We treasured that letter for many years. It was the only link I had to my blood father.

My father came home on leave and saw my mother and me—her new baby, at her family’s gas station. He asked to hold me. It was too late to do anything else. My mother had already married. My father kissed my head and touched my cheek. Handing me back, he turned quickly and left before everyone could see his tears.

All through my childhood, I dreamed of my father finding me some day. He would have figuratively come in on a white horse and saved me when times were bad. I wanted to find him, but I didn’t know how to do that. I knew he might have a family now too. I wondered if I had other brothers or sisters. I knew I had an aunt and some uncles. I would have liked to have known them.

When I was baptized, most of the longing to have met my real father dissipated. I felt confident that I had a Father in heaven who was even better than a physical father. My Father could hear me at any time. He is always with me. One of these days, I thought, I would probably enjoy meeting the man who had fathered me, in God’s Kingdom. I would get to talk to him then.

Time ticked by, and I had my own family. Then the Internet made getting information a whole lot easier. I was 42 when my husband bought our first computer. Every once in a while, I’d make a small attempt to find my blood father. But it wasn’t a priority, because I had my Father in heaven.

In 2012, after my son had died, the 1940 U.S. Census was released. I’ve got this little genealogy habit. It’s like putting together an endless puzzle. And since my parents were born in the 1930s, they would be on this census! And so, on a Friday, I started dabbling around. I knew my parents lived on the same street. I quickly found my father’s family. I was sure I had the right person. In an hour and a half, I knew his family line back to 1790. It was really fantastic!

I went into the next room and told my husband the good news. I asked him if he thought I should try again to find my father. He told me to go ahead while there was still time. And of course, the Internet has now come up with even easier ways to find someone.

I typed my father’s name and state on Facebook. I came up with about seven people by his name. I looked at them carefully, and there was one person that would be about his age. So I sent that person a short message. “Looking for family. Did you know “my mother’s name”? Is your father…?” And then I waited.

By the time we came home from Sabbath services, seven weeks exactly after my son had died, I checked the site and had an answer! “Yes, I knew her. We both lived on Lockwood Dr. And who might you be? [Later, he told me he had already known the answer.] Here is my e-mail address. Please get in touch with me as soon as possible.” My heart was beating so fast!

I pounded out an e-mail. I told him I think he is my father. I told him that I’m 57 years old now. I have a rare blood type. Just to confirm the paternity, would he mind telling me his? I was sorry to tell him my mother died a little more than a year before. I told him a little about myself and about my family.

Immediately, I received an answer back—yes, yes, I am your father! He had my blood type! He told me his wife died earlier in the year—it was the same date as my son’s birthday, my son who died. This man not only welcomed me, he embraced me and my whole family! He had looked for my mother and me, but had not known her name change and future moves she had made. I have two younger brothers by my father. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call him as soon as I would. I had to calm down and think about this for a little while!

I finally called his number. He had that wonderful, rich Texas accent that I love and grew up around. I could tell he thought before he spoke. He called me “Ma’am” (I miss Texas). There was joy on both ends of the phone. We both cried tears of happiness! I had been different from everyone else in my family. But we have found that I am so much like this man that it borders on the ridiculous! We have laughed and talked! In fact, we have talked on the phone for an hour or two almost every day since then. My father has become one of my heroes, as all fathers should be to their children, and as our Father in heaven is to all of us.

My father does have cancer, and for a few minutes, I was sad about that. But I have every confidence in God, who has proven that we can have every confidence in Him, that He loves my father and will take care of my father too. I thank all my brethren in advance who will pray for my father’s health too.

I’ve often avoided talking about religion to others that I meet. But with holidays coming up, I thought I’d better tell my father that I don’t keep those days, so that he wouldn’t wonder why he didn’t get a card. He was overjoyed about that too! He wanted to know more and more about my beliefs. These were questions he’d had for most of his life!

And as soon as he knew about clean and unclean meats, he threw all of the unclean out of his house! As soon as he knew about pagan holidays, he removed them from his list of things to do! He began carefully observing the Sabbath from sunset to sunset. I was impressed and amazed! He wanted the booklets from UCG and has studied diligently. He watches our services through the webcast! I’m overjoyed about all of it!

The way all of these things worked out is nothing short of a miracle. My father had only been on Facebook for a few months, and he was thinking of closing his account. The timing was perfect. The encouragement my father and I have both felt is a great gift from God! It seems as if all the years have melted away. It seems as if we have always known each other. I have learned a lot more about God from getting to know my father. Families reflect a little bit about what the God family is like. It’s so wonderful to have someone who loves you so much, and you love them that much, too. God’s love for us must be so much more, and that love is so powerful! You know someone has your back. God has our backs!

Last weekend, my younger son and I got to go down to Texas and meet my father in person. We talked, we laughed and sang together. I told my husband that if you know me, you know my father because we are both just alike in personalities. I understand more about what Christ meant when he said, “He that has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). Without having met him before, in my remembrance, I already knew my father. It took a short time to meet him. In a short time, we will meet our Father, though we already do know Him. We never know what joys God has in store for us that are just around the bend! Rejoice!

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Comments

  • Cindy Phelps
    Thank you so much for sharing your story, Carolyn. What an exciting development! I am overjoyed for you and truly thankful for the insight you shared. There are so many things we experience in this life that parallel the spiritual, but not all of us experience each one. It's so important that we share and learn through each others lives. I'm really excited to "live" that journey with you through your story and have a better understanding of how much I really do know God even though we've not yet met face to face. What a fantastic lesson! Thank you so much for sharing. Your father will be in my prayers. I'm so excited for you! Lots of love, Cindy
  • Jacob Hitsman
    Hi Carolyn, I too have a story close to the one you mention here. I am the father who left his daughter many many years ago. She is 36 years old now and I am 58. Before the time I was acquainted with God I made her. After this time I went to Europe and on top of a mountain I met God and after this my life was forever changed. Coming back after three months I saw my daughter and realized that I could not stay in this Midwestern town and raise her as I should. I must travel and let God clean me up and show me how to live this life. I left Iowa and did not return for some years. Always in the back of my mind was my daughter. After ten years in Florida I moved to Israel and then to Sweden and then to Israel and then to Norway which I have been now for 22 years. Fathering two children here in Norway and living the life with God. One time some years ago I got a letter from my daughter with a picture. Sending it back got no reply and we lost touch again. At last my son fell in love with an American woman in the church and went to Ambassador Bible School. I ask him to look for my daughter and he found her. Now we talk on the phone and are getting to know one another. I do love her. Amen
  • cklockhart
    Why this is nothing less than a true life "Hallmark Moment" directed & produced by THE Director! Only better. Greetings Carolyn. Thank you for sharing such a touching, miraculous blessing that you've received! It is, as you've said, one to share! I'm so happy for you especially in light of you & your family's recent, tragic loss. It is like God, our Father, and our Christ have blessed you so personally! THEN your Dad's mind is opened?!!! There is nothing more to do/say than to join in and rejoice with you. WOW is right! Keep in mind that not only have you and yours been blessed, but it's pretty easy to guess that You are a blessing to your Dad as well! How happy he must be---then to have G's truth uncovered/delivered by his long, lost daughter! (I can't remember the last time I used this many exclamation marks---whewsh.) My, my how our Father comforts us! Your story touched several of us, and I so, so very much enjoyed reading the others' comments and concur most heartedly. Again thank you Carolyn and commenters! ~Crystal
  • Ivan Veller
    I'm so happy for you!!! :D
  • dziwczyna
    Wow, what a cool story!
  • Deanne
    Carolyn, WOW, what a truly inspirational account of how you found your physical father. I really enjoyed reading it and just want to thank you so much for sharing. Learning of how the scripture comes alive for you in regards to John 14:9 has added more to my Christian journey as well. I had never thought of that scripture in those terms before. I consider myself blessed to have read about this. Enjoy your physical father while you can; mine I was very afraid of which initially hindered me in getting to know my Creator Father. I look forward to the second resurrection when my physical Dad will be enlightened and made whole, and free from any mental illness. I hope we meet one day at a Feast site but if not, look forward to ruling as a first fruit with you in the soon coming Kingdom where we can REJOICE.
  • ataylor
    This is an absolutely blessed story. My husband and I put our daughter up for adoption 22 years ago, and by the grace of god her adoptive mom contacted me on facebook and now we talk just about everyday. She was brought up in a Christian home, and her parents are absolutely wonderful. My youngest daughter and I are Christians as well.
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