On Father’s Day my youngest daughter gave me a card that brought tears to my eyes, thanking me for guiding her to adulthood with wise advice and support and labeling me the G.O.A.T. Instead of the “Greatest of All Time,” I feel more like the animal kind. I want to be a good father but feel like I lack in so many ways.

Proverbs 4:1-4 notes the significant fact that we are taught by our fathers. Like father, like son generally plays out. My grandpa and dad didn’t know God or the Bible. They were from the strong, silent-type generation. I don’t remember any special advice from either, except my grandpa would remark in our family domino games: “He who holds the pencil wins.”

I never doubted that Grandpa or Daddy loved me. They both set an example of hard work and providing for family and expected us to succeed in school. We worked together after school in the family laundry and dry cleaning business. We were treated as responsible and trustworthy. My three sisters and I all ended up with solid successful lives and happy marriages. My parents allowed me to become a part of God’s Church on my own, starting my junior year of high school.

Looking back at age 73, I wish I had verbally taught my children more, instead of mainly trying to teach through a good example and get them involved in God’s Church, especially in the camps and youth activities, which I expected they would treasure and learn from like I did. I wish I had tried harder to do family Bible studies because in time I could have learned how to make them more interesting and motivational. Today the Church provides polished family Bible studies for youth of all ages.

Hebrews 12:10 makes a very interesting point about human fathers: “Our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how” (New Living Translation throughout except where noted, emphasis mine throughout). We can see the best in others when we allow that we probably would have done the same in the circumstances they faced.

Your best strategy to be a godly father

God created the family to be the centerpiece of His plan of salvation. If single, patiently look to God and wise counsel to provide the wife and mother for your children. If married, work together with your wife, leading her so you both seek God’s guidance in all matters of child-rearing, to “bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). A wise wife can help the father avoid a man’s tendency to “provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4).

It has been wisely said, “The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.” This quote is attributed to either Abraham Lincoln or Theodore Hesburgh, but it’s a biblical truth that a father’s priority has got to be God first, then his relationship with his wife. Godly parents are key to rearing godly children who honor their parents and in time will hopefully transition to also loving God their Father.

Plead, encourage and urge

In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, Paul writes: “And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory.” The New King James puts it: “we exhorted, and comforted, and charged...”

Speaking of “charged” (although with a different meaning), the latest inflation-adjusted cost of raising a middle-class two-parent child to age 18 is more than $310,000, not counting college! That would total $1,240,000 for a parent, like me, with four children! I’m pretty sure I’ve never been anywhere near that much money except when our family toured the U.S. Mint in Washington, D.C. Raising a godly family should encourage parents that, despite money struggles through the years, God provides for our needs (Philippians 4:19). Paul said, “Parents provide for their children. I will gladly spend myself and all I have for you” (2 Corinthians 12:14-15). The joy of kids is the true wealth to aim for.

Aim is an appropriate word picture because God says: “Children are a gift from the Lord . . . a reward . . . like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Psalm 127:3-5). A father will need the skills taught in the Bible and by experience to guide them to the target.

Pay attention to how God our Father treats us

Notice Hebrews 12:5-7: “And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as His children? . . . ‘For the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes each one He accepts as His child’ . . .
Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?”

“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust” (Psalm 103:13-14).

Every child is different and needs to be worked with individually to support their needs and personality. One of the best ways for a wise father to get to know his kids is to read to them and share activities. I treasure the memory of my daddy taking time to play baseball with me when he came home tired from work and hungry for supper. Many weekends he took our family boating and waterskiing at nearby Blue Lake. Easily the biggest and happiest surprise was when I looked out at high school graduation and saw my dad—in a suit!

Model and teach the entire book of Proverbs

The book of Proverbs is a father’s instruction to his child (Proverbs 1:4, 8).

Proverbs 3:12 makes a foundational point: A father will be most effective if he delights in his child—rather than rues the day. “I’m doing this because I love you” will work if they know you do. My daddy and grandpa never said they loved me, but I knew they did. Saying “I love you” and hugging doesn’t come naturally for me, but a father should say it and do it—often. It gets easier. Your wife and kids will thrive on it!

Proverbs 22:6 is the classic proverb to encourage a parent, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” If you know the disappointment—yes, guilt—of having kids who have stopped going to Church, trust your Heavenly Father to guide your children to fulfill His plan of “a future and a hope” for them in His master timing (Jeremiah 29:11). Hopefully, they received the Blessing of Little Children. Don’t ever give up on them and continue to build your treasured relationship.

Thanks to you being a member of God’s Church, God considers your children to be holy and set apart (1 Corinthians 7:14; Acts 2:39). You can do all you can to lead them down God’s path, but you can’t accept God’s calling for them. They must choose to accept their invitation and seek God’s Kingdom and righteousness. But thanks to you taking on the challenge of having children, they have this awesome opportunity!

Let’s look to our loving Heavenly Father and the instruction in His Word! If we honor Him, as the Fifth Commandment instructs, it’s more likely that our kids will find us honorable and choose to worship the God we have pointed them toward.

There is no doubt that being a godly father is a tall order. Let’s reach for it!