Do you have a sister? I have one. She is five years older than me. Like many younger sisters, I pilfered her closet like it was my personal clothing store. I often borrowed her clothes without asking and returned them worse for wear—usually with stains. I had the bad habit of locking the bathroom door (we had a Jack and Jill bathroom) and forgetting to unlock it so that she could get in to get ready for school in the morning. There were some pretty heated moments in which she beat on her side of the bathroom door, yelling for me to unlock it.

We shared a room for years, and for most of those years, we shared a bed. Looking back now, I smile when I remember how she would roll up a blanket and put it down the middle of the bed to try to keep me on my side, so that I wouldn’t cross over into her space. I was always invading her space. Out of desperation, there came a point at which she moved into an oversized closet and slept on a cot, so that she could have a measure of privacy.

Yet as much as she craved separation from me, I never doubted her love for me. She looked out for me and instructed me. As a young girl, I was a bit of a tomboy. Consistent hygiene was not high on my radar . . . or even on my radar. As I began to move from my childhood years into my teen years, my sister took it upon herself to instruct me in the importance of bathing regularly, wearing clean, matching clothes, brushing my hair and trying to look put-together. She was the one who held me down and plucked my unibrow for the first time and then admonished me to keep doing it.

Don’t get me wrong, my mother had spent years trying to teach me all these things, but her words often fell on deaf ears. She was my mom—she had to tell me to bathe. I looked up to my sister in a way that set her opinions apart as extra special. Her words mattered to me in a way that my 12-year-old brain could not have explained, so I began listening to her with open ears as she began teaching me on how to become a young woman.

Wisdom is something that we are to have a close, intimate relationship with, like that of a sister.

I wanted so much to be like her. Hers were the steps that I wanted to follow and tried to mirror. I am not sure if she realized it or not, but she took on the role of both mentor and teacher. She helped direct my steps in those early years, and I continue to carry the impression of her mentoring with me.

In the years since that time, I have been blessed to know a variety of women who walked beside me during different seasons of my life. In my 20’s, there were Nancy and Tina. Both were “older” women who came into my life when I was a newlywed and needed help transitioning into the role of a wife.

Nancy was very much a mentor. She used her wisdom and experience to continually point me back to God and to my husband when the early years of marriage were hard, and I wanted to renounce my vow, pack my bags and head for home. Tina became my friend, teaching me how to stretch a dollar, reuse a plastic bag, scrape the last bits out of a can to get every bit and cook a meal that would feed my family.

Both women taught me different things. Both women instructed me in wisdom. Both women deserve credit for our marriage getting from our first anniversary to our nearly 27th anniversary.

In my 30s and 40s, the list of women continued to grow. The names are too many to list, but all are cherished. Not all the women have been older than me. Often, I have been humbled by learning lessons from women my junior. Regardless of the age, older or younger, I have been blessed to have been taught, mentored, encouraged, uplifted and strengthened by women who, by their example of faith, pointed me back to God and His Word.

Wisdom is My Sister

Proverbs 7:4 instructs us to “say to wisdom ‘You are my sister,’ and call insight your intimate friend” (Revised Standard Version).

The word “sister” is Strong’s H269. It refers to a “sister, relative, beloved-bride, (someone) of intimate connection.” The wisdom spoken of in this verse is to be something that we draw near to and that we have a close, intimate relationship with ... like that of a sister. “Understanding” (Strong’s H998, “discernment”) is to be our “kinswoman” (Strong’s H4129, “relative; acquaintance”) or our “intimate friend.”

Seeing the other women in Church as our sisters and
other members as our family is an important
part of our calling.

We are told by God to call wisdom our sister. I believe that this is because women tend to be more relationship-centered. We nurture more readily and are often the providers of emotional support to our family and loved ones. My thought is that when God referred to wisdom as a sister, He wanted us to see wisdom as something that we were to develop a close and abiding relationship with, draw near to, learn from and be growing in. When I read this verse and see wisdom as my “sister” and understanding as an “intimate friend,” it brings such an incredible level of intimacy to the Word of God. I can see the face of my sister. I can see Nancy’s face and Tina’s face. I can see the faces of all the women over the many years who have been a “sister” to me, drawing near to help me find my way when I couldn’t see the path in front of me. I can call to mind those who have said to me, “this is the way,” and then showed me how to walk in it. I can hear the voices of those who said to me “don’t let this offense steal your crown,” and who loved me enough to go after me when I began to walk away. Both women and men need sisters and brothers in the Church.

I can see the faces of all the women who have helped to shape me, and I can better understand the role that God wants wisdom to have in my life. Growing in relationship with wisdom is also growing in relationship with God. It amazes me that He used an analogy of family, of sisters, to help me better understand this relationship. God is so very purposeful. Nothing escapes His notice.

When we see the relationship that we have with wisdom compared to that of a sister or an intimate friend, it opens up our understanding of both how valuable wisdom is and how precious our sisters are. We may not all have good relationships with our sisters, but there is probably a woman in each of our lives who has been like a sister to us. Seeing wisdom as a sister helps to personalize this verse. God’s design for a family involves us growing in relationship with one another as we grow in relationship with Him.

Many women I have spoken with expressed a feeling of loneliness and isolation from other women . . . especially in Church. Why?

Some of the reasons women shared were busyness, past hurts, feeling disconnected from women in the Church, broken trust, not feeling important at Church, not feeling that they had anything to offer, a weariness from serving in ways that were not seen or appreciated and feeling taken for granted.

Seeing One Another as Sisters

We are told to see wisdom as our sister. But how do we grow in our relationship with wisdom as a sister, if we don’t see one another as sisters? All too often, our relationships with one another in the Church never get past that of an acquaintance that we smile at in passing.

Seeing the other women in the Church as our sisters and seeing the other members as our family, may be the hardest part of our calling and yet arguably the most important. Learning to grow in relationship with one another and loving each other with a godly love, willing to bear long with one another, and unwilling to give up on one another, may be the work of our lives.

Many years ago, a dear friend told me a story from her childhood. She was a pastor’s daughter and transfers were a routine part of her life. Leaving friends behind was always hard, but her mom and dad told her and her sisters something that they took to heart and never forgot. “You are sisters. When we move from here, your friends will not move with us, but your sisters will. Look at your sister. She is your best friend. Treat her well.”

When we look at one another and see our family members, we are much more ready to take our stand on behalf of one another.

I have had the opportunity to say those words to my own girls more than once. The words did not come without cost or tears, but they have served their purpose to help our girls pull together and become close in their relationship as sisters.

Whatever the reasons for holding back in our relationships in Church, I would urge us to look at the other women in the Church and say the following to ourselves: “She is my sister. God has called her to be my sister. I need to treat her well and get to know her. She just might become my best friend.”

We are called to be a part of the family of God. We are to become the very children of God, a part of His household, becoming members one of another. (John 1:12; 1 John 3:1-2; Ephesians 2:19-22; Romans 12:5). When we look at one another and see our sisters, our family members and our loved ones, then we are much more ready to take our stand on behalf of one another. For us to learn how to be a part of His eternal God family, we first must learn how to be a family here and now. We must become the family of God.

Hello wisdom, you are my sister. I need to get to know you better.