[Anthony Wasilkoff] For more than two years Marilyn Eason courageously fought Leukemia with the love and support of her friends, her parents and her husband Rob.  However, October 6, 1982 Marilyn died in Toronto Princess Margaret Hospital.  She was only 30 years of age.  Her husband Rob was grateful for the many friends who showed that they cared and provided support, but he was badly shaken by the number of friends who did nothing more than simply send a signed sympathy card.  In his words, "I saw the same cards over and over. They all said, ‘Deep Sympathy’ on the front and had a verse on the inside, and people simply signed their names underneath. They wrote nothing about Marilyn or how they had remembered her or how they had experienced her. I read the signatures and felt next to nothing." 

A few months after Irene Cluderfield lost her eldest son, who was only 17 at the time, in a skiing accident in 1977, a friend dropped by with a bottle of champagne and two glasses – long stem glasses tied with colorful ribbons. The well-meaning woman was trying to say, “It's the time to be good again,” but her timing was all wrong. "I wasn't ready for that then,” Irene recalls.  “I'd lost my son.  Life couldn't possibly hold any good times for me. She was so out of touch with what I was feeling at that time." 

Lyn Kane watched her husband Martin die of cancer and was devastated by feelings of rage, helplessness, sadness, loneliness. And in her book titled, Widow, she wrote that much of the well intentioned mail after she got over the death seemed like duty writers. “None of my friends meant to make me feel bad,” she observed, “but I don't think they wanted to comfort me either. They just wanted to get that letter written, stamped and in the mail box, so they could stop thinking about it." 

To reach out to someone who is grieving isn't simple. It's complicated and it isn't easy. It's difficult.  As observed by one particular sociologist, Margaret Mead – also an anthropologist – she said, “When a person is born, we celebrate. When they marry, we jubilate. But when they die, we act as if nothing has happened.”  In society, we don't know how, or haven't been trained how, to handle loss.  We're taught how to acquire things, but we aren't taught how to lose them. And in the process of losing, something feels wrong or unnatural. 

So today what I'd like to do is to alert you to the critical need of facing loss and more specifically how to comfort those who do experience significant losses in their life, as we all do, or have, or are as most assuredly will because it is a part of the human experience.  We have an obligation when others have lost something significant to reach out as they are grieving and to comfort them.

Luke chapter 15, let's start there in today's sermon.  Here Jesus Christ uses the experience of loss to illustrate a very important point. 

Luke 15:3  So He spoke this parable to them, saying:  Verse 4: "What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?  He's not happy because he's still got 99 left, he's unhappy because one  is missing and he's out looking for the one that is away without leave, because one is missing and he's out trying to find it.  Verse 5:  And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.  And maybe you've done this if you've cared for sheep or you've certainly seen photographs of a shepherd, or in a movie, finding a sheep and he's carrying the sheep and he's got it strapped on over his neck with two sets of legs over each shoulder and he's carrying the sheep and it's quite happy to get a ride that way.  Little kids are too.  If you put children on your shoulders and they can get a lift from Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa or Aunt or Uncle in that same fashion. When he's found it, he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing. Verse 6:  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, "Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!'  You've probably gone through that, possibly yourself for certain you've been going for walks in the local park and you see posters on a lamppost, "Lost, cat lost, answers to Tabby" or a dog is lost and so someone's household is without their dog or their cat or more seriously sometimes a human being can be lost, a child can be lost or a senior can be lost and people are out looking for a missing person.  When they find that missing person, there of course is relief and rejoicing.  From something adamant we look to something un-adamant.  Verse 8:  "Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house and search  diligently until she finds it?"  She's not happy because she's still got nine coins left, she's out looking for the missing coin.  Eventually she recovers it.  Verse 9:  "And when she has found it, she calls her friends and neighbors together, saying 'Rejoice with me, for I have found the piece which I lost!'" 

Now there's a handout here that you will be receiving as we go through this particular sermon today, then it's a double handout that has the home stress scale on side one and we have one for every person or one per couple or one per household and the other side we will talk about later into this particular sermon.  This is called, and you may be familiar with the Holmes Stress Scale.  It lists significant losses that people can experience in life and there are all kinds of losses, all kinds of stressors and all kinds of situations that can raise our blood pressure and any number of us who are here I would imagine are on blood pressure tablets that is to lower our blood pressure.  I don't think very many to raise their blood pressure but there may be a few even in that category. 

Now the Holmes Stress Scale identifies stressors.  Mainly I want to look at losses that we experience and not just stressors but you'll notice at the very bottom of the chart, holidays.  That's a source of stress and it's a twelve.  Small mortgage is a seventeen.  A change in residence or school is twenty.  Trouble with your boss, beginning or ending of school, spouse starts or stops working and so on.  But the major stressor, the most difficult of all is at the very top and it's awarded an index of one hundred and it's the death of a partner, a death of a spouse.  Then there's divorce, that's the death of a marriage, it's seventy-three.  A separation is sixty-five.  Jail or incarceration is sixty-three.  Death in the family is also sixty-three.  If you drop down to I think just below the half way mark, death of a close friend.  Well all losses are not the same and the death of a loved one, they're not all given the same value.  The death of a close friend is thirty-seven, the death in the family is sixty-three, death of a partner is one hundred.  But there are other kinds of deaths too when it comes to loved ones and that is the death of a child.  That's not on here.  Or the death of a parent.  We find we experience these in a way that we didn't expect we would.  If you look at the bottom of the page it says, scores of three hundred plus in one year.  If you have that, if I have that, if there's a score of three hundred plus in a given year cumulatively, then we have an eighty percent chance of a major illness because these things are cumulative and we have to learn to cope with them, be aware of them, but as we are aware of them,  chances are we can handle them if we know that when events like this happen, it's just not water off a ducks back, they do affect us, they do impact us. Then the second line on the bottom of the page is the key.  The key is to keep stress at between one hundred and one hundred fifty or less per twelve months.  How do you do that?  Well not easily.  Some of these things we can control, some we can't, but we can seek where with God's help, to manage all of them.  The point is, all loss is not the same and even when we experience the death of a loved one, even all of those are not the same, the factors impact us differently when it comes to these particular numeric's. 

In Job chapter 1 we will read the calamities that beset a servant of God by the name of Job.

Job 1:1  There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; (Here we read a description of the kind of individual he was) and that man was blameless and upright, who feared God and shunned evil.

So here he was a God fearing individual who tried to live in accordance with God's word, God's values, God's standards and he was blessed. Verse 2:  He had seven sons and three daughters that were born to him.  Furthermore we are told about his net worth.  Verse 3:  Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep. (What were seven thousand sheep worth?  Have you go to the storeand tried to buy some mutton lately? To buy a leg of lamb? It's expensive, it's costly and you can have the phenomenon of going to Scotland for the Feast of Tabernacles and being invited to someone's house for a lamb dinner that came there from New Zealand. Why would they do that?  That's the reality.) three thousand camels, (What are three thousand camels worth?  They're hideous creatures because they spit.  If you've ever seen any in an enclosure like African Lions Safari or Marine Land and Game Farm in Niagara.  People were warning us one year at the Feast at Niagara Falls, don't stand too close because it expectorates and sure enough, it did, right through the wire mesh fence.  But there is a need for them in the middle east I'm sure.  Comical creatures but versatile and ideally suited for the desert as you know.) five hundred yoke of oxen, (What are those worth? What were they worth?) five hundred female donkeys (How much were they worth?  A lot.) And a very large household to look after all these animals. So this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.  So he was very blessed.  But after all he was a God-fearing individual. However trouble began. Starting in verse 13. This is not a parable, this is the real thing, it really happened to one person.  

Verse 13:  Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house. Verse 14:  And a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them Verse 15: when the Sabeans raided them and took them away - indeed they have killed the servants with the edge of the sword and I alone have escaped to tell you!"

Verse 16:  While he was still speaking another also came and said: "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"

Verse 17:  While he was still speaking, another also came and said: "The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the camels and took them away, yes and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"  Verse 18: While he was still speaking another also came and said:  "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house, Verse 19: and suddenly a great wind (Tornado) came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house and it fell on the young people and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"

All of these events happening in one day in succession, they are reported. How did Job react?  How would you have reacted, how would I have reacted?  Let's read on:

Verse 20:  Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head (because that's how grief was expressed in that day and age) and he fell to the ground and worshiped the Creator God.  Verse 21:

And he said "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord"

That was his prayer and a lot of us will have recited it in our minds in old King James English having memorized it some years ago.  The Lord giveth and taketh away. Verse 22:  In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.  But that wasn't the end of it as you realize, because he had something else that he was still going to experience and you remember what that was and that is the loss of his health.  So not only did he have that:

JOB 2:7  Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.  Do you remember the last time you had a boil, just one boil or two boils?  They can be very painful, very uncomfortable and hard to cope with.  He is covered with them. Verse 8:  And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes. So let's catalog what happened to Job.  What were his losses all in one day?  Well first of all he lost his wealth, his livestock and his employees, then he lost his family, all ten children, then he lost his own health and he lost his position, his place in society and he was reduced to the ash heap of life.  We'll use that as an expression today and this is where it comes from.

How would we handle that? It's there for our learning, it's there for our admonition and it's there for our benefit. Turn next to the book of Ruth.  We read about Job and we'll come back to Job in a little bit but look next at Ruth and would we show this particular lady over a period of time.  For Job it was suddenly, for Ruth it was not so suddenly and it contrasts with Job's experience.

Ruth 1:1  Now it came to pass, in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land.  And a certain man of Bethlehem, Judah, went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons.  Somewhat what we see today happening perhaps in the Horn of Africa, Ethiopia, Mozambique where a lack of rain creates a very severe famine and people are destitute and have very little recourse.  We're given the principles here. Verse 2:  The name of the man was Elimelech, the name of his wife was Naomi and the two sons were Mahlon and Chilion they were Ephrathites of Bethlehem, Judah.  And they went to the country of Moab and remained there. Verse 3:  Then Elimelech, Naomi's husband died, and she was left and her two sons. Now it's bad enough to be in a foreign country, extensively she knew the language, but when your husband dies, that makes your conditions and situations a little bit more complex, but no doubt she consoled herself because she had two strapping sons who would look out for her.  But you know the story.  Verse 4:  Now they took wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth.  And they dwelt there about (we're given a time line) ten years.  Verse 5:  Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died; so the woman survived her two sons and her husband.  You talk about tragedy.  She lost her husband, then she lost both her sons.  One of them would have been bad enough, she loses both of them.  So if you look at the home stress scale for Job, or the home stress scale for Ruth, very high.  How does she handle it?  Just look at two verses.  She's talking to her daughters-in-law: Verse 13:  "Would you wait for them till they were grown?  Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands?  No, my daughters; for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me!"  She took it hard, emotionally very difficult and understandingly so.  She returns to her home land and you'll recall and look at the verse in the same chapter where it tells her state of mind.  Verse 21:  "I went out full and the Lord has brought me home again empty.  Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me and  the Almighty has afflicted me?"  Call me Mara she says in the previous verse because I'm bitter.  It was very difficult for her to go through these tough times.

You're probably familiar with a book written by a Rabbi entitled "When bad things happen to good people."  You're familiar with that by Rabbi Harold Kushner.  It's a good read overall, though not everybody agrees with it, I think the principles overall are helpful.  Rabbi Harold Kushner says the following:  " We (human beings) need to get over the questions that focus on the past and on the pain, such as I would probably go and do and you would probably as well.  This is the usual reflex response we have when a tragedy happens.  Why did this happen we ask ourselves or we ask ourselves, what could I have done differently?  How could I have prevented this so it wouldn't happen?  We ask ourselves those questions; Why did this happen to me?  Or how could I have prevented it?  Or why didn't I prevent it?  Or if only I had done this or that differently?  Instead we should be asking the following question that opens the door to the future. The question we should ask is, now that this has happened, what shall I do about it?  Now that this has occurred, how will I learn from it?  Now that this has happened, now that this has befallen me, what shall I do about it?  How shall I handle it?  What shall I learn from it?  That's the question that we should bring in instead of the other.

Matthew 5;  Going back to the direct instructions of Jesus Christ once more.  The Beatitudes.  Many of these were memorized through the years.  Verse 1: And seeing the multitudes, Jesus went up on a mountain and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. Verse 2  Then He opened His mouth and taught them.  Going straight to Verse 4, skipping verse 3, Jesus said to His disciples:  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  Those words we need to weigh carefully because sooner or later we will suffer loss.  Some of us have, all of us have to one degree or another and some of us are going through it now or will go through it with certainty.  But it does say when loss occurs it is important to grieve, it's important to mourn.  That presupposes two things: Number one, that we know how to.  Many people in this day and age don't know how to grieve anymore, they don't know how to mourn anymore, it's a lost art.  Number two, that even if we do, we're not afraid to do so or we permit ourselves to do so.  In any case, those who mourn the scriptures says:  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 

I'd like you to look at your handout again.  The Holmes Stress Scale on side one.  If you flip it over to side 2 you'll see here a list of 12 entitled The Psychodynamics of the Grief Process and how we handle, how we react to emotionally, to significant loss in a particular death.  The first reaction is shock, then secondly guilt, thirdly anger, fourth loneliness, five depression and self pity, emotional expressions, fear and panic, blame, semantic distress, growth, finally the memories.

In a survey recently conducted by a university, people were asked:  How long do you think it should take for someone to get over the death of a loved one?  In recent times the answers were given: twenty-four hours, seventy-two hours, forty-eight hours, a week tops.  But in fact, when a loved one dies, it takes one year, two years, three years to adjust and they never really get over it.  It's compared to loosing your arm, you never get used to it, you learn to live without it.  Ask someone who is a widow or widower and they will tell you.  When people go through loss, and they lost someone near and dear, the first reaction is shock and that's God's gift to human beings.  You can ask any number of people that have experienced that, even when you have a loved one who is ailing or in the hospital and you know they will die sooner or later, and you're anticipating it and planning for it and making arrangements for it, when it happens it's still a shock even though you're anticipating it, you're still in shock.  Certainly when you don't know it's going to happen and the policeman is at your front door when you answer the doorbell and they are there to tell you your loved one has died in a car accident, that most assuredly is a shock because you didn't know it was coming.  For shock is the first reaction, then there's guilt.  If only I'd done this, if only I'd done the other, if only I told him I loved him more.  Then anger, loneliness and so on.  All of these a person has to go through called Steps of Grieving.   They're not linear, they go back and forth and there are some steps, but this is how we can help them better and how God can help us.  We have to have an awareness and this is what we go through when we have gone through significant loss, the grieving process. 

Now it does say "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  There are three fundamental sources of comfort that you and I need to be familiar with, that you and I need to utilize, either now or in the future because sooner or later we will need these, that is the human experience.

The first fundamental source is described for us in II Corinthians chapter one, a very beautiful passage, one to read and reread because it is so strengthening.

II Corinthians 1:1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God and Timothy our brother.  To the Church of God which is at Corinth, with all the saints who are in all Achaia:  Verse 2:  Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.  Verse 3:  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. The God we serve, the God of the universe, Heavenly Father is the God of all comfort; what a beautiful description of Him.  In the Hebrew the word comfort comes from the Hebrew word Nahum, and it means to comfort or to give forth sighs.  Sometimes you observe someone sighing, they're going  aha, aha.  You'll see that in one another or if someone sees that in us and asks are you o.k., I see you've been sighing a lot.  That is body language,  we need to read in others and in ourselves. The God of  all comfort. Verse 4:  Who comforts us, The great God who we serve, the great God of the Universe, the God of all comfort, the Father of mercies comforts us  in all our tribulations, Why?  that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  How wonderful to be able to go to the Creator God in daily prayer and ask Him for comfort in time of distress and duress.  So the first source of comfort is through prayer, to go to the great God of the universe, the Father of mercies, the God of all comfort and ask Him for comfort, for comforting in time of distress and duress, in time of loss, in time of the death of a loved one.

Let me give you one example.  This is from a letter somebody wrote some years ago and gave a first hand experience of a coping mechanism that she used and used it to good effect.  I tried it and it's effective, at least it was for me and it probably will be for you.  For seven years this person wrote, after breaking my neck, I had pain a lot of the time, excruciating pain.  There were blinding headaches and at times such acute pain in another part of my body or other parts of my body, made me throw up.  Sometimes I was confined to my reclining chair for two or three days at a time.  I was anointed many times.  It got better but not totally healed.  Seven years to the months later I was told by a noted Neurosurgeon in Calvary that there was nothing more doctors could do for me.  She was living in British Columbia at the time, so was I.  Toward the conclusion of her letter, what she learned from this difficult experience and eventually she was healed.  What she learned that she wanted to share:  I also learned to end my prayers during those years of suffering, I learned a lot about faith, patience, the goodness of most people.  I also learned to end my prayers with not my will but your will be done and I found that when I was ready to go to sleep, I got a lot more rest if I talked to God as if He was my physical Father and I would ask Him to let me sit at His feet, similar to the language the Apostle Paul used in his relationship with Gamaliel, you'll remember to sit at his feet and ask him to put his hand on my head as it were medically as I prayed to him.  When I asked to sit at His feet and asked Him to put His hand on my head, I felt His presence.  This is not meant to be mystical, this is a matter of a lady in great distress wanting to relate to the great God of the universe as a daughter, as a father-daughter relationship which is what He offers every one of us, a father-child relationship.  So I would do that and I still do this because I don't have nightmares any more which I used to have since I was a child.  I think it must be because God wants us to need Him to be first and last in our thoughts every day.  So she shared this as something she learned and utilized to good effect relating to the great God of the universe, the God of mercy and the Father of all comfort.  For the first fundamental source of comfort is prayer, praying to God the Father and reaching out to Him as a child reaches out to a parent.

 A second fundamental source of comfort is found in or identified in Romans 15.  This passage was cited one week ago from the letter from Mr. Holladay.  A week ago we had a letter from Roy Holladay from the home office in which he encourages God's people to encourage others.  In it he cited Romans 15 so lets look at it together.

Romans 15:1  We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples (meaning weaknesses, shortcomings or failings) of the weak and not to please ourselves. Now we live in a world where people are more anarchistic than they have ever been.  Selfishness is at an all time high.  So we are not to please ourselves. We who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak.  Now I would ask but I won't, which one of us here today are strong?  Which one of us here today are weak?  There are times when I feel stronger than at other times personally and there are times when I feel weaker than at other times personally.  It will depend on the situation and on the circumstances.  It's like Roy Rogers used to say:  "We are all ignorant but only on different subjects.  We are all strong in different areas.  We are all weak depending upon the situation and our own circumstances.  It comes and it goes."

Verse 2:  Let each of us please our neighbor for his good, leading to edification.  Leading to building up, not to tearing down.  Verse 3:  For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on Me."  Verse 4:  For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.  So there's fundamental source number two for comfort.  It is the scripture that we through the patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope, the first fundamental source for comfort is through prayer, asking the God of all comfort to give you comfort and secondarily to read the scriptures especially those that talk about comfort.  Which are those?  Well you may have certain scriptures you put aside and say, when I'm down, these are the passages I like to read and for most of us I suspect the Psalms are a wonderful segment of the scripture that buoys us up and make us more buoyed in time of duress and distress and loss because David went through horrendous difficulties and wrote about them and shared how he handled them.  So source number two is the Holy Bible in particular, relevant scriptures.  If you've never done this, what you could do is use a concordance and look up every passage that mentions the word comfort.  Look up every passage in the scripture, Old Testament and New Testament that uses the term, that describes the process of comfort and the other word that there are fewer references is console or consolation. 

Now the third fundamental source of comfort is found in II Corinthians chapter 7 so let's turn there please.

II Corinthians 7:4  Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great  is my boasting on your behalf.  I am filled with comfort.  When's the last time you or I could say I am filled with comfort?  I've received so much comfort, I'm just replete with comfort, but he did write this.  I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation. Verse 5:  For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side.  Outside were conflicts, inside were fears. Verse 6:  Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, Verse 7: and not only by his coming, but also by the consolation (that's another synonym for comfort) with which he told us of your earnest desire, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced even more.  Dropping down to verse 13 looking at that verse only.  Verse 13:  Therefore we have been comforted in your comfort.  And we rejoiced exceedingly more for the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all.  So the third fundamental source of comfort is the brethren, your fellow man.  Principally the brethren, but also friends, neighbors, associates, family, colleagues, people you know well.  People who relate to you and you to them.  It's so important to have a net worth of people to rely on and to reach out to in time of difficulty.  Let me give you one example of how this can be done.  This is from Ann Landers:

 

A few months ago you reprinted a letter and I would like to promote that letter this particular writer said.  The letter goes on to share:  "On May 11th my lovely 25 year old daughter, Patty was killed in a car accident.  On the Monday after her death I went to her office to clean out her desk and while I was there several of her co-workers came by to express their sympathy.  All conversation ended with:  If there's anything I can do.  Well a thought came to me that I would like to share with your readers.  I told each of those sympathetic co-workers that there was something they could do.  I asked them to write down their thoughts about my daughter and mail them to me.  I said I didn't care whether those thoughts were about Patty, what she did or how they felt about her or some event they had shared, anything.  I told them that receiving the notes would give me a piece of Patty back to me.  It would provide a glimpse of her life that I didn't even know about as her mother.  The responses were heart warming, to date I have received thirty letters from co-workers and friends and when I begin to feel blue, I read those letters over and over and I am comforted.  Please suggest it to your readers who are grieving.  No words can express how much those letters have meant to me.  That goes a long way."   

A further example on a more personal note.  Some years ago, quite a few years ago now, there was a tragedy that occurred in the congregation where a couple learned on the Sabbath that one of their adult children (I think all of the children were grown by this time) had died.  It might have been Friday evening but the body was discovered on the Sabbath and they were called away from church to attend to the death of that child.  It turned out to be by the child's own hand who had attended for awhile and stopped attending and attended and stopped again.  Tragic, unexpected, shock and dreadful.  They then thought after they addressed the situation through having been there to identify the body, what do we do, it's the Sabbath?  Should we go home which is what they felt they should do or should they go back to church?  One of them wanted to one thing, the other wanted to do the other.  They decided to go back to church.  So after services they came back to the congregation who then put their arms around them to console and comfort them.  You can hardly imagine a worse thing happening on the Sabbath as something like this.  To go home would have been the reflex thing to do.  To come back to the congregation and to be consoled by the congregation of course under the circumstances, the right thing to do and certainly a fulfillment of this particular principle.

Let's as this time go to the book of Job again and learn what not to do.  Job had some special friends and in the time of his severe duress, they responded.

Job 2:11  Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite.  For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him and to comfort him.  Those were their two objectives; to mourn with him and to comfort him, both very important.  Verse 12:  When they raised their eyes from afar, they did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven.  Verse 13:  So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.  Now if you stop reading in chapter one, you think he handled it all in stride, it would seem some would go by, but he didn't.  It was very, very difficult because what he had experienced was catastrophic.  So his friends compared notes, they made arrangements and plans to come together to help him, to reach out to him and to give him the consolation that only friends can.  Notice for seven days, they said nothing.  They looked at him, he looked at them.  He looked at them, they looked at him.  He cried, they cried.  They cried, he cried.  As long as they said nothing, they were being helpful.  The trouble began was when they started giving advice and it was miss-directed advice. 

Giving this further credence an example of the lady who suffered loss. Despite Irene's state of mind, friends and family rallied around.  Her sister especially would offer to come by and did.  She would break down in tears and so would I.  After awhile she'd get up and put on her coat and go home.  Sometimes we never said a word, but that was exactly what I needed.  She was saying to me that she cared about me and about my son and that she would keep coming back, even if I didn't treat her like a guest. So all she needed was someone to come by.  Her sister in this case, could have been others she knew closely and you didn't have to say anything, all you had to do was to be there.  That helps considerably.

Job 21: 1 Then Job answered and said:  Verse 2:  Listen carefully to my speech and let this be your consolation. Verse 3:  Bear with me that I may speak, and after I have spoken, keep mocking.  We'll skip the rest of the chapter and go straight to Verse 34:  How then can you comfort me with empty words, since falsehood remains in your answers?"  So they were doing really good as long as they said nothing, but when they began to give advice, what they were saying was the wrong thing and was in fact not beneficial and that's why he said and it is recorded for us in verse 34. 

This is a pamphlet that I picked up a few years ago entitled "A friend is there:" suggestions for friends of the bereaved."  This I picked up at a funeral home which is available probably in most funeral homes.  A friend is there and it gives some very good advice.  One of the things it points out and you'll find in any number of books on the topic, is to avoid cliches and this is what people tend to say because we don't know better.  Unsure what to say when someone has died, you may try to comfort the survivors with well intended words, but avoid these cliches:  "You're doing so well.  Others have lived through it.  I know just how you feel.  Be strong, you'll get over it.  Time will take care of everything.  Or say such as: "Well think of worse things could have happened."  Or just get busy and unfortunately survivors may feel even more alone and misunderstood when such cliches are offered.  In some instances you may actually know how they feel to a great degree because you may have experienced the loss of a similar loved one.  But none of us really knows how the other person feels until they tell us.  So the important thing here is to avoid cliches, avoid platitudes.

Job 42: Here's what happened toward the end of the book of Job, after Job had improved tremendously, after his circumstances had gotten better significantly. Verse 9:  So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did as the Lord commanded them; for the Lord had accepted Job. Verse 10;  And the Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends.  Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.  Verse 11:  Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the Lord had brought upon him.  Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold.  So even after he had his circumstances improved significantly, he was still visited, he was still consoled, he was still comforted because we need that for a long time.  We don't get over that quickly.  Verse 12:  Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; for he had fourteen thousand sheep. six thousand sand camels, one thousand yoke of oxen and one thousand female donkeys. Verse 13:  He also had seven sons and three daughters. 

So comfort consolation is needed for a long time.  It doesn't stop soon.  One other really good piece of advice that's given here in this particular brochure that I wanted to bring to your attention.  I'll read just the sub-heads.  It's o.k. to cry with them, even laugh.  Don't be afraid to touch with permission.  Send the person a letter, make a contribution, remember holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, through support groups and above all, continue to call and visit.  I'll read this portion:  You could ask your bereaved friends, can I help, do you need anything?  Not wanting to intrude, they will most likely answer no, even though their refrigerator is empty and they leave their house only to go to work so what it suggests here which is overall good advice.  Don't ask, do.  In other words we'll say is there anything I can do?  Well we just don't offer that, we actually do something and be careful not to impose.  Don't ask, do.  Such as telephone, visit, drive by with food, take the children out on excursions, invite the family to your home.  Don't just ask, do and there are many other things we can think of doing under the circumstances.

I Thessalonians 4: 14:  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.  Verse 15:  For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep.  That is those who had died. Verse 16:  For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel and with the trumpet of God.  And the dead in Christ will rise first.  So there are several advantages to pre-decease others.  We get to rise first.  We get to become a spirit being first.  Verse 17:  Then we who are alive (who are not yet deceased) and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord.  So the deceased rise first, those who are alive rise second and they'll say what took you so long?  We'll say we couldn't help it, we were still alive.  We were changed into spirit beings secondarily.  Verse 18:  Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Don't grieve as those who have no hope.  We are to grieve, but we are to grieve as those who have hope (Verse 13)

As a follow-up we have an obligation to reach out to each other in times of loss.

Chapter 5:11    Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.  They have an obligation to comfort one another, to think of each other in times of loss and duress.

Before she died, Mrs. Angie Erickson wrote a letter to the church.  It will be published in the United News Canada.  She was aware of her illness.  You'll remember she was here a year ago in June.  The funeral was a month ago on a Friday.  She died at age forty-nine leaving behind her husband who was the pastor of churches in British Columbia.  She left behind three children, ages 12, 17 and 19.  Being aware God may not heal her, she wrote the following letter which I want to share with you.  It was meant mainly for the congregations that she and her husband pastored, but to the church as a whole, it was sent to the home office, Mr. Kubik received it some time ago as others of us here.  She wrote:  "Open Letter to the Church, the Spiritual Mother of My Children:  Thank you so much for the prayers and comfort you prayed in my or our time of need. (You probably did pray for Angie Erickson and others.)  As one approaches the loss of a physical life or in the case of Michael, her husband, the loss of one so dear. One ponders those things that are most precious, the hope of our calling is by far the most precious at this time and at any time next of those who will grieve and suffer later as my children will.  (So she was anticipating what would happen after her death if God did not heal her.)  I am, we together are moved by the scripture, when Jesus as He faced His final moments, physically here on this earth, looked at John, His beloved disciple and said: "Behold your mother" (John 19).  My husband and my children will soon grieve or perhaps already are grieving the loss of their spouse and physical mother, a wound that will hurt but not destroy.  Love and care from you will help bind the wound and heal.  (She continued in this remarkable letter.)  They have a physical father and a Spiritual Father.  They have an Elder Brother that will all care for them.  I have so much desire to be there for them, to watch them graduate, to marry, to hold my grandchildren and share with them all these special moments.  But it is not God's will.  For a short time longer they have a physical mother who now looks upon the face of their spiritual mother in the same way Jesus looked upon John and I said to him, behold your children, please love them, care for them and guard them as I would, comfort them, encourage them, strengthen them.  Be there for them in my stead, please, I request this of you and pray thus to my Father anticipating the need for her children to be cared for.  My husband will need care, love and support, perhaps more so, our precious children.  Remember they are children, they are not converted, not yet, but they are precious and they are holy, physically, emotionally, spiritually they will stumble at times and hurt themselves, scrape their knees, perhaps bleed or brake a bone.  I pray they do not have a mortal wound and at this time of grief will heal quickly.  As a physical and spiritual father along with their Elder Brother Jesus will be there for them after I sleep, I pray and make this request of you at this time of need that you are their spiritual mother.  Now I take my place and wherever you are able individually and collectively they and all your children need you.  I know my husband and my children will not forget me and we will be together again.  Please do not forget them, please do not forget any of your children, you are their mother." (So she extends that beyond her needed circumstances and leaves that to the congregation of the church as a whole.)

So we're told to comfort one another, to remember one another, we learn lessons from a difficult school of hard knocks called this human life and I remember Gardner Ted saying years ago that the scripture, the whole bible really is a obituary of all of God's servants who have lived and died without exception.  And still God says, I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, I am not the God of the dead, I am the God of the living, which means that in His eyes all of His servants are as good as alive at the Second Trumpet.