Dear Readers,

Have you ever wanted something really badly? Where your thoughts and plans are wrapped up in it, your heart is set on it, you daydream about it whenever you have a quiet moment? For me, I wanted to get accepted into a prestigious, out-of-state college when it was my time to think about next steps after high school. I thought I could do it, so I applied to some very high-ranking schools, plus a back-up, the state school nearby. But when the letters came, I didn’t get into any except for the state school. I was crushed. It wasn’t only about the school itself. I liked the idea of moving far from home, starting fresh. I wanted an adventure. And, to be honest, I wanted prestige. It was about more than just a high-quality education. I wanted people to know that I had gone somewhere impressive.

I didn’t accept the news of my rejections very well. When it started to sink in, I almost felt like I couldn’t see or hear, the emotion was so overwhelming. Beyond just disappointment, I felt ashamed at having failed, and embarrassment over what other people might think about me just going to the school an hour down the road from my small hometown. I had always thought I was destined for something greater, so it took my ego down a few pegs to find out that I wasn’t going anywhere particularly special.

The truth is, we will all experience a closed door or two in life. Sometimes in these moments, it’s hard to not feel upset with God, or feel frustrated that He would say no to what seems like a good thing. I think I could have handled things better when the answer was no. Here’s what I wish I knew back then:

A lot of times God has something better in store for us than we could plan for ourselves. He has a much bigger, better perspective than we can ever have. For me, it’s an ongoing process to really trust that He has that perspective and that there may be things in play that I’m not aware of. In my case back then, the state school enabled me the flexibility to do three majors in four years, which allowed me to pursue three different areas that I’m passionate about. It’s likely a prestigious school with a stricter plan wouldn’t have permitted that kind of freedom.

Other times we may never get an explanation about why the answer is no in a certain instance. Those are the real challenges, the real faith builders. Romans 5:3-5 says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit [which] has been given to us” (English Standard Version throughout). I don’t know for sure why I didn’t get accepted into a different school, but I know that I’ve learned and grown from the experience.

The rejection letters I got started to reveal my need for others to think I’m significant. Over time I started to question that aspect of myself, where it comes from and what it means, and what God (and consequently I) should care about more than significance or prestige. The closed door made my weakness more visible than success would have. Sometimes failure is what allows us to see ourselves more clearly to be able to change and grow.

It still hurts a little, to be honest, thinking back on that experience. But now I think the pain that I went through was worth it. The experience helped me see myself more accurately and mature more quickly. So when you find that the answer is no, remember that there might be something even better in store. And even if not, don’t let shame or embarrassment hold you back. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Your friend,

Kourtney, Managing editor | kourtney.kovanis@gmail.com