We have seen a tragic war waged on femininity and masculinity. The attack is so vicious that it warrants us to step back and ask, “What is so scary about these things that Satan so desperately seeks to destroy them?” Masculinity is a heavily misunderstood topic today, and false masculine icons are pervasive in the vacuum that a lack of true masculinity leaves. Their message is enticing to young men because it preaches about service to self and indulging every sort of physical lust, but with “honor.” True masculinity is the opposite, summed up in one word, “meekness.”

As men, when we hear the word meekness, we cringe inwardly. Who wants to be meek, after all? We mentally associate meekness or gentleness with weakness, but it is essential to true masculinity for men to learn it. When we look at gentleness in the Bible, we see it isn’t a weakness to be gentle; in fact, it may not be at all what you thought it to be. The most outstanding example of gentleness in the Bible is Christ, and He drove the Pharisees out of the temple with a whip! You might think that’s not very gentle, but we haven’t defined the word gentle yet. What is gentleness?

In 1 Timothy 3:2-3 we’re told, “a bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous.”

Strength Under Control

In verse three, gentleness is listed as one of the essential traits that an elder must possess. Elders must be able to deal with conflicts appropriately, and they must be able to take care of the flock! These traits listed here don’t just apply to elders. They apply to all men, as noted in the next section talking about the qualifications for deacons. The word for gentleness in Greek is prautes (praýtēs). Prautes means: gentle-force and is a divine virtue possible only through faith. It is derived from praotes (praótēs), which is strength in gentleness and emphasizes power or strength under control. It is using the necessary force to get the job done, as Christ did when He drove the money lenders out of the temple—no less force than He needed, but not excessive force.

Unfortunately, the message preached to men these days is to “get in touch with their feminine side.” It is commonly believed that school shootings, violent attacks and abuse are caused by emotional repression. However, it is actually men allowing their emotions to control them that leads to these tragic events. Men who are ruled by anger, lust or hatred are weak and unable to control their emotions, resulting in abusive behavior.

Gentleness is a choice, and it requires tremendous
strength of character.

Men have a unique role in society: to protect and provide. To fulfill this role, men have been given a specific operating system and greater physical strength than women. With great power comes great responsibility, and men have the responsibility to use their power appropriately and maintain self-control. The more power a man possesses, the more critical it is for him to learn gentleness. A gentle man is a strong man, exhibiting both gentle speech and actions. Gentleness is not merely self-restraint but rather a moral strength of character that must become a part of every man's character.

In Ephesians 4:1-2 Paul writes, “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.” To walk worthy of this calling, we must have humility and gentleness exercised with patience through love. In verse three, we see that we must make every effort to preserve the unity of the spiritual body through peace. Gentleness is a major part of preserving peace. The unity of the Church is a serious matter in God’s eyes. We must do all we can to preserve the unity and peace of the congregation. This of course requires strength and courage, both of which are contained in gentleness. Gentleness is a choice, and it requires tremendous strength of character.

Luke 6:29 springs to mind as an example of this gentleness we are called to. This is the verse where Christ says that if a man slaps you on one cheek, turn to him the other cheek. This slapping of the cheeks is not talking about assault and battery but refers to an insult. Insults can be very hurtful, yet we are to ignore them. This requires gentleness. Christ Himself endured many insults throughout His life and bore them with gentleness. It takes a great deal of courage to bear these insults. Men are called to be courageous in many other places, but one of my favorite spots is in Corinthians because of the Greek word it uses to describe it. “Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13, New International Version).

Depending on your translation, it might appear that this section is talking to all Christians. However, once we get into the Greek, we see something amazing. The Greek word used for courage is andrízomai (an-drid'-zom-ahee) which is Strong’s G407 and literally means manly men of courage. Courage is an important character trait for everyone, especially men, for we are the defenders, protectors and leaders of our families and churches. Each one of these jobs requires courage.

The Godly Role of a Man

Men and women have different roles. As men, we have been given the authority in the Church and the family. We must protect and provide for those placed under our care by God. It is our responsibility, our duty, before Him. This authority must be exercised with gentleness. When there is no gentleness, authority is abused. We see this whenever a husband beats his wife or children or whenever a leader is too authoritarian. It’s easy to let authority go to our heads, but as men, we must look at leadership and authority from a biblical standpoint.

Sadly, as we all know, the world is trying to destroy the idea that God gave men and women different roles. Men and women are not the same, yet it is the goal of Satan to remove these differences. Just look at the transgender movement, in which people deny the mental, emotional and biological differences between men and women and try to make them the same. This contradicts the built-in roles that God created for men and women. Satan wants to destroy all things of beauty, and the way God designed things to work is beautiful! The transgender movement has created a world of weak men, unwilling or unable to fill their God-given roles. This leads to the breakdown of the family and, in consequence, to the breakdown of society. We recognize this as a war on men and our God-given masculinity, redubbed toxic masculinity by society. What we don’t often recognize is that this is a war on women too. As society beats down men, seeking to turn them into women, they also push women into positions they weren’t created to fill and seek to turn them into men. Women are the strong, stable heart of the home. They are the ones who spend the most time teaching the children and giving them stability. Weak men and women left to fill men’s roles lead to no family structure and struggles with marriage and family in the next generation.

Our strength is not for our own glorification, but it’s a gift we can lend to others in need through leadership, service and sacrifice.

Gentleness is one of the first qualities those under the influence of Satan seek to drive out of men. However, men who are gentle cannot be controlled because gentleness is a choice. Once gentleness is corrupted, power under control turns into timid weakness, and this timid weakness springs to mind whenever someone reads that men are to be gentle. Whenever gentleness is mentioned, the image of Christ with a whip driving out the money changers springs to my mind. That is a prime example of power under control, not just raging and losing control of your anger. Christ had all the power in the world, and He made a whip. Christ, by the way, would have been classified as toxically masculine in today’s day and age, and Christ was a formidable man.

“Let all that you do be done with love” (1 Corinthians 16:14). This includes gentleness, for true gentleness is born out of love. We are to love others as we love ourselves. When we are disciplining our children, correcting a brother in Christ, dealing with an employee, or talking to our spouse, we do so with love, and part of that love is doing it with gentleness. You see, gentleness is a foundational principle in every aspect of life. It is essential for interpersonal relationships and treating everyone and everything in our life properly, with respect and love. True gentleness is love, self-control, patience and kindness. To have power under control, you must be a master of self. For most of us, this is only possible by way of the Holy Spirit. The man who rules himself is better than he who takes a strong city (Proverbs 16:32). Self-control is the element that makes courage under fire possible. True manhood is born from the mental, not the physical aspects of the body.

Men, we must be men. A good man is a gentle and loving man who has tremendous strength fully under control and is prepared to use his strength to protect and provide. By its very definition, power under control means that there must be power to control. We must have character, mental, physical and, most importantly, spiritual strength. Gentleness is only possible from a strong man. Without strength, gentleness becomes weakness because it is a choice, not a result of circumstance. Our strength is not for our own glorification, but it’s a gift we can lend to others in need through leadership, service and sacrifice. Spiritual strength, which is a close relationship with God, is especially important, as He can help us in the areas we are lacking. As Exodus 15:2 says, “The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation!” When we train our bodies and minds, as we should, we train to give our strength to others. We train to be men entirely under control and ready to stand for those weaker than ourselves. Let’s embrace the role God has given us and train to be formidable men in the pattern of David, Elijah, Abraham and, most importantly, Christ.