Last week we saw that… even though we have all rebelled against our Father creator, disregarded His commands… to the point where we all were considered His enemies… God is graciously willing to offer everyone forgiveness and reconciliation. He makes peace with us so we are no longer to be considered enemies, and He grants us access to the divine nature and eternal life. This happens because of God’s forgiving nature and His loving desire to see us develop our full potential:

To grow into the fully mature mind of Christ

To receive life everlasting

Growing into the fully mature mind of Christ means we have to change the way we think… to think with the mind of the spirit instead of the mind of the flesh… and change the way we act... to live by His commands and do the things that are pleasing to Him. If we don’t make these changes we’ll never move forward to receive the gift of life everlasting. To indicate our willingness and determination to do so we pass through the waters of baptism and receive the power of the Holy Spirit.

God’s willingness to reconcile with you and me is an example He wants us to imitate… to make peace, to be friends instead of enemies… to forgive and be reconciled to one another. In most ways, we imitate God in this pursuit of reconciliation BUT in one very important way we do not.

How We Should NOT Try To Be Like God

God, the righteous, all knowing, all merciful creator requires all humans to change the way we think and act… but WE cannot require this of OTHERS. We must offer forgiveness to our fellow human beings without any requirement [or expectation] that the other party, confess, repay, or change… which is hard.

Q: Should I forgive a person and then go on as if nothing happened? It doesn’t seem fair.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring or erasing God’s standards of right and wrong.

Forgiveness does mean that you and I give up our need to:

Be declared, proven, or acknowledged as right

To be approached rather than approach [I want them to come begging me for forgiveness]

To have my emotional needs met

To control the situation, control the actions of others

For example: to obsess over getting an apology, the tone of the apology, the sincerity… or obsess over punishment, how severe, how swift, how public… etc.

Forgiveness Means We Desire Emotional Peace

We might think our “forgiveness” is something we give to another. Sometimes other people care, most often they don’t really. But if an offense has occurred and you are withholding forgiveness for whatever reason… the other party isn’t suffering. You are.

When we DON’T forgive two bad things happen to us:

We create a barrier between yourself and God [He does not like pride which is usually the underlying reason forgiveness is withheld]. This very real barrier is a problem for you not necessarily the other person.

Some offenses involve violation of God’s law… most don’t. Instead, they're often matters of misunderstanding, hurt feelings, pride, frustration etc.

Either way… withholding forgiveness hurts your relationship with your Father God.

You become trapped reliving, and reliving, and reliving the emotional moment of the offense.

Every time you bring to memory that incident, that conversation… you relive the same emotional response. You are re-experiencing the pain [and knowing how the mind works, probably making it more intense each time you bring it back into your thoughts]

As the emotional pain builds and reinforces itself your desire to be declared right or for the other party to get punishment becomes stronger.

When we DO forgive two good things happen to us:

You have peace with the other party [sometimes they don’t even know about it]. This also provides you with internal emotional peace.

You have Peace with God

Follow God’s Example

God initiates peace and reconciliation with you through Jesus Christ. You then pay it forward. This is 1) pleasing to God 2) necessary for maintaining that peace with Him.

To forgive is to give up the need to control others [demand for an apology, to see they are truly sorry]. To forgive is to give up the need for personal vengeance [that they are punished as much as we think they should be]. Both of these we give over to God for many reasons... such as:

Our inability to judge with perfect justice and mercy

Our lack of perfect and complete knowledge

Romans 12:17-21 – you do your part, leave the rest to God 2) Seek peace – don’t wait passively for it to come to you, neither can you demand peace… you have to make it.

When You Are The Offended Party

Ask yourself… why am I offended? Is it an insult to my sense of dignity or my ego? Is it a frustration of my personal desires {promotion, esteem from others, my sense of superiority, entitlement]? Is it an emotional over-reaction based on incomplete facts? What part have I played in creating the problem? Matt 7:3-5

Especially ask… is this legitimate, based on God’s standards… or mine?

Steps to Take

Take the initiative - that’s God’s example for you. This doesn’t mean you become confrontational. Be careful about taking the issue to the other party. Remember… you are seeking peace. Not personal satisfaction!

Be wary of personal anger:

Ephesians 4:26 righteous anger is over a moral principle… most of our anger is ego driven… our assumed rights have been violated, our self-image threatened, our pride has been hurt.

Righteous anger is short-lived and doesn’t lead to retaliation [which is a place where sin can enter]

Righteous person is not looking for a fight Proverbs 11:23, Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 16:32, Proverbs 19:19

Ephesians 4:27 exert emotional control so you are not manipulated by Satan [think of the retaliation angle here]

Bitterness is another way of describing a state of mind rooted in unresolved anger

Don’t spread discontentment – when you have been wronged you want to share [seeking vindication, to prove yourself right etc.]

Seeking advice and counsel from close/trusted people is one thing… but all too often we open it up to anyone who is willing to listen… to get our side of the story out there first. The biblical word for this is backbiting

Ephesians 4:29-32

Pursue humility: life is not about winning. It's about learning

When You Are The Offending Party

Matthew 18:6-9 Jesus has strong words for those who cause others to give up or mess up. He’s talking mostly about brethren. Some offenses involve sin… I would be willing to say that most do not. Most offenses seem to relate to emotion, pride, or misunderstanding.

Just because someone feels wronged doesn’t mean they were. But a broken relationship is not pleasing to God. Real sin [commandment level wrongdoing] is clearly more serious, but sin or no-sin TRUE reconciliation between the parties involved is what pleases God who “opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”

Steps to Take:

Seek reconciliation between you and God [a lot of this is for cases where a sin or real injustice has been done]. Apply to other situations as you deem appropriate.

When you are right with God then the self-justification that blocks reconciliation melts away.

When we sin against another our sin is against God. This puts up a barrier between us and God. 1 Peter 3:7 here is an example where disrespect towards another interferes with your relationship with God.

If we refuse to acknowledge our wrongdoing we remain in conflict with our creator.

Take responsibility for what happened or was said. Don’t blame others, circumstances… or justify yourself… “that’s just the way I am”. Acknowledge your offense – in prayer to God, in words to other people.

Give up the need to control – for example, don’t say something like “I was wrong… but you shouldn’t have done what you did”.

Acknowledge the offense and ask for forgiveness. Don’t just say I’m sorry, show that you understand what it is that you have done so they see that you understand... What motivated you, or that you were ignorant/unaware etc.

Take responsibility and make restitution if appropriate

Seek Godly solutions – rather than the outcome which satisfies your own personal desires and expectations.

Listen to the other party’s complaint rather than seek to justify yourself.

Consider options:

Was I just ignorant or in a situation where ignorance abounded

Was I being malicious

How must I take responsibility

What lessons can I learn

Am I being defensive? [feeling threatened]

Am I angry? [Pride hurt]

Seek humility – because pride is the major obstacle to reconciliation.

It is difficult to see ourselves as the one in the wrong… it threatens our high opinion of ourselves-→ So, our reflexive reaction is to protect our self, our ego… by blaming others

Humility begins by recognizing ourselves as deeply flawed individual who desperately needs God’s help if we ever want to achieve that great and eternal potential that God our Father sees in us.

Forgiveness is essential to our Eternal lives…

it is only because of God’s willingness to forgive that we have access and opportunity to become His children and receive the gift of eternal life. Forgiveness is a way of thinking and acting that God wants us to learn and practice if we are to be His children.

Forgiveness restores peace with our Father, personal emotional well-being, and right relationships with others whom God has created in His own image.

We seek peace… We leave judgment with God.

If we are offended we seek peace.

If we find that we have offended we seek peace.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God.