[Ted Budge] When we hear the term, self-esteem what comes to mind? Some may be thinking, “Self-esteem?  Well, that’s just psycho-babble.” You know, even discussing it, you might as well get off the stage, what a waste of time!” Others may be thinking, “Well, the first word in self-esteem is self and self is the problem, so we shouldn’t even consider it. Why are you wasting our time?” Others may be thinking about their own lives and how they struggle with their self-image – their self-esteem. They feel inadequate around others and at times it hurts. But they don’t talk about it, because maybe they feel they cannot. 

I would like to read from verywellmind.com, in an article titled, What Is Self-esteem?  “In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. Self-esteem is often seen as a personality trait, which means that it tends to be stable and enduring. Self-esteem can involve a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.” The article goes on: “The need for self-esteem plays an important role in psychologist, Abraham Maslow's, hierarchy of needs, which depicts self-esteem as one of the basic human motivations. Maslow suggested that people need both esteem from other people as well as inner self-respect. Both of these needs must be fulfilled in order for an individual to grow as a person and achieve self-actualization.”

A further definition can be as follows, which is taken from Psychology Today, with an article titled, What Is Self-Esteem? “Confidence in one's value as a human being is a precious psychological resource and generally a highly positive factor in life. It is correlated with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction. Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism, in which individuals may behave in a self-centered, arrogant, and manipulative manner. Perhaps no other self-help topic has spawned so much advice and so many (often conflicting) theories.” The article goes on: “Self-esteem can influence life in myriad ways – from academic and professional success to relationships and mental health. Self-esteem, however, is not an immutable characteristic. Successes or setbacks, both personal and professional, can fuel fluctuations in feelings of self-worth. Each individual’s experience is different, but over the course of the lifespan, self-esteem seems to rise and fall in predictable, systematic ways. Research suggests that self-esteem grows, by varying degrees, until age 60, where it remains steady before beginning to decline in old age.”  

In other words, self-esteem has to do with how we think about ourselves and how we value ourselves. But when we view the Bible, isn’t self the problem? Let’s take a look at a few scriptures that point this out. 2 Timothy 3, verse 1.  We will read verse 1, then the first part of verse 2:

2 Timothy 3:1-2 – But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves.
At the end of the age of man, before the return of Jesus Christ, men will be lovers of themselves.  Isn’t that what self-esteem is all about? Loving oneself?  Isn’t the idea that we focus on self-esteem results in people becoming self-absorbed, self-centered, lovers of themselves – just as Paul prophesied?  In fact, don’t we see in scriptures that we’re not to think highly of ourselves?

Turn to Romans 12, verse 3 – we will read the first half of verse 3. It states, in Romans 12, verse 3, the first half:

Romans 12:3 – For I say, “Through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think.”

And isn’t our daily walk a walk of denying ourselves? Turn to Mark 8, verse 34. Mark 8, verse 34. It states in Mark 8, verse 34:

Mark 8:34 – When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”

Let’s also turn to Romans 3, verse 10 – Romans 3 verse 10:

Romans 3:10 – As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one. There is none who understands. There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside. They have together become unprofitable. There is none who does good, no, not one.”

However, is that the view God wants from ourselves about ourselves – about the family, about the children He is calling at this time? Yet it can be confusing to read these scriptures. And then we turn to Mark 12, verse 30 – and we are familiar with these scriptures – Mark 12, verses 30 to 31:

Mark 12:30-31 –  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

And this principle of loving others as ourselves was nothing new to those who heard this. Indeed, He is only repeating what is found in Leviticus 19, verse 18, where it states:

Leviticus 19:18 – You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

For today’s message, I would like to examine the concept of self-esteem in the Bible. How should we view ourselves as we go through our journey? And for those who would like to have a title, it is Self-Esteem in the Bible.

Now to begin with, we will not find the term self-esteem in the Bible. In the Strong’s Concordance of the New King James Version of the Bible, we will find esteem, esteemed, esteemeth, or esteeming.  These words are more used – the word, esteem – is more in relation of how we view things or how we view others. For example: “To esteem others better than ourselves” is found in Philippians 2, verse 3.  Or, “a man esteems one day over another” – Romans 14, verse 5.

However, the Bible does discuss how we are to look at ourselves.  We just read Mark 12:31 and Leviticus 19, verse 18 – that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. But if we don’t have a good opinion of ourselves, if we view ourselves as no good, as worthless, how can we do that? Does the use of the term self automatically negate any value to the term self-esteem or self-worth? Just because we use the word self, does it have no relevance in our lives today? Is that how it works?

One aspect of the definition of self-esteem notes is that self-esteem is a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. Therefore, someone with low self-esteem considers himself to be worth little. Whereas someone with high self-esteem considers himself to have great worth. Much of humanity derives its self-esteem from such things as wealth, appearance, strength, occupation, popularity, celebrity, and relationships. And inevitably and unfortunately, the self-esteem of these individuals’ focus on these matters rises and falls based on, personally, how they are doing in these respective categories – especially as they compare themselves to others.
 
Many in our society place extreme value on outward appearance. They value youth, beauty, athletic ability, intelligence, education, wealth, and fame. But what happens when someone loses it? They have it all and then it’s gone. What happens when a person who has an active lifestyle one day finds themselves restricted to a wheelchair? What happens when a supermodel loses her youth? What happens when a person has a debilitating stroke? What happens when the perfect family ends up in divorce? What happens when someone has a great career and then one day loses it? If wealth, appearance, strength, occupation, popularity, celebrity, and relationships are important, if they comprise the basis of our feelings of esteem, self-worth, our self-image, then what happens when everything on which we have – everything on which we base our value – vanishes? There is a danger of self-esteem or self-worth based on physical things – on outward appearances.

Within church culture, we can also put a value on outward appearance. You are probably thinking, “No, no we don’t.”  But consider these questions. Young adults, is there something wrong with someone who is single and not married? The rest of the congregation, if we have someone who has never been married, are they a failure? Is it more prestigious to be an elder or deacon than not? If someone who has committed a visible sin – maybe someone who has left God’s way of life for a while and returned – are they a lesser person – a person of lesser stature when they return? Before you answer, “No,” I would like for all of us to really consider that question. We shouldn’t fool ourselves into thinking that there are not people who may be fearful of returning because they’re afraid of how they will be judged. Is someone who is struggling a lesser Christian than one who seems to have it all together? – well, at least they have it all together at church. Being swayed by outward appearance is not something new for the Church. Turn to James 2 verse 1.

James 2:1-9 – My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith or our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.  For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not made then distinctions amongst yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Verse 5: Listen, my beloved brothers: Has God not chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you and the ones who drag you into court? Are they not the one who blaspheme the honorable name by which you are called? Verse 8: If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well. But if you show partiality, you’re committing sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

If we are swayed by outside appearances, if we value one person over another because they seem to be more successful or better looking, then we need to ask ourselves, “How much of that view – how we view others, how we view success – has impacted our view of ourselves – our self-esteem and our self-worth. In addition when we consider the term self-esteem, is a healthy self-image a bad thing? Does God expect us to live a life of virtual penance – self-loathing, self-hatred? When we heard the word self, we may have been ingrained that the idea of a healthy self-image is somehow bad. So, does God want us to go around loathing ourselves with a cloud over our heads? I remember hearing a message, when I was a teen, at church and the speaker said, “We are nothing but worms.” Is that the view we should have – worms to God? As we continue to examine this topic of self-esteem in the Bible, I would like us to consider four factors that impact our self-esteem – our image of the self.
 
The first factor that influences how we view ourselves is Satan’s influence in this world – Satan’s influence in this world. Turn to 1 Peter 5, verse 8 – it states.

1 Peter 5:8 – Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

We are being called to be diligent and alert. Why? Because Satan is out there and aims to undermine our confidence, to sew discord, to get us to stop believing, to become self-destructive.  A lion feels no pity for its prey – feels no compassion before the kill and experiences no remorse afterwards. There is an adversary out there and it can impact and cloud how we view ourselves. We must not ever forget that.
 
A second factor that influences how we view ourselves is our own thought processes – our own thought processes. Jeremiah 17:9 – we’re familiar with this scripture, but I still want to turn us there. The second factor that influences how we view ourselves: our own thought processes. It states in Jeremiah 17 verse 9

Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?

Our thoughts can deceive us. How many times have we been in a situation where we thought we knew the whole thing? We thought we knew had all the answers. We got upset, maybe we got offended, we got hurt, only to find out that when all the facts were presented we were mistaken.  And we feel foolish. We can have an image of ourselves – we can be viewing ourselves and have that image – and it’s totally false. Yet, in our minds, we believe it’s totally true. You probably have heard the phrase, “Perception is reality.” In other words, what a person thinks what happened – even if it didn’t happen that way – it’s still real to that person. It’s their reality. Even if the facts don’t back up what that person is facing, in their mind, it’s real. Our self-image, our self-esteem, our self-worth, can be tainted by our own perceptions – our own reality. We could be deceiving ourselves about ourselves.

The third factor that influences how we view ourselves is our own physical situation – our own physical situation. It could be medical, financial, etcetera. We could think of a host of things. Our self-worth, our self-image can be influenced by events going on in our lives at the time.  When things are going well, we may delude ourselves into having a false sense of self. “We are doing pretty well! Life is good! Look at how good it is! Look how well I’ve done! I must be being blessed! God must be pleased with me!” This is where pride creeps in and clouds judgement. Conversely, when things are not going well – when we are ill, or when we are struggling financially, or when things are not working out the way we thought they would, in our lives or in the lives of those we love, it can cause us to be negative on ourselves. We become discouraged, distraught. We find ourselves in the vortex of self-criticism.
 
I would like to read, the following, Why Esteem is Important for Mental Health – the National Alliance of Mental Illness, by Anne Gould, July 12, 2016. Glenn Schiraldi PhD, author of the Self-Esteem Workbook, describes healthy self-esteem as a “realistic appreciative opinion of oneself.” He writes, “Unconditional human worth assumes that each of us is born with all the capacities needed to live life fruitfully, although everyone has a different mix of skills which are different levels of development. He emphasizes the core worth is independent of externals that the marketplace values such as wealth, education, health, and status, or the way one has been treated. Some navigate the world and relationships searching for a bit of any evidence to validate their self-limiting beliefs. Much like judge and jury, they constantly put themselves on trial and sometimes sentence themselves to a life of self-criticism.”

The fourth factor that influences the way we view ourselves, our environment – our environment – how life has impacted us along the way. In our journey from young to old, we will definitely have things in our environment that impacts us how we are.For example, if we grew up in a very strong nuclear family, we will reap the benefits of the nurturing relationships in our lives. We might not even realize how much it has benefited us. But there are also other environmental factors that can influence our lives. And we can also be unaware of the impact it has on it. It can impact how we view ourselves. It can impact how we view others. 

With this in mind, I would like to read to you ten traits of an adult who experienced a certain environmental factor as a child. I will reveal the situation – the environmental factor – after I read the ten traits. And before I read all these traits, I want to point out that the individual who experienced this situation as a child may not exhibit all these traits, but they do exhibit some of them. It makes an impact on their lives and it makes an impact on those around them. How they view themselves is important.

Considering that recent statistics indicate 28 million Americans have experienced this situation, and 11 million children under the age of 18 do now, there is a good chance that there are those here in this audience who this applies to. This person – these people – may not even realize that some of the characteristics they exhibit may be a result of this particular experience – why they act a certain way. The ten traits of the individuals who grew up in this situation are as follows:

1. They are more concerned with others than themselves.
2. They have difficulty following a project from beginning to end.
3. They exhibit black and white – all or nothing – thinking.
4. They have difficulty in having fun – they feel they don’t deserve it.
5. They judge themselves harshly.
6. They constantly seek approval, because as a child, approval was erratic.
7. They feel different from others – that no one understands them.
8. They love those that need rescued.
9. They feel guilty for standing up for themselves.
10. They are extremely loyal, even in the face when loyalty is undeserved.

Can you guess what this situation is – that these adults lived through as a child? Their environment was so powerful that it impacts them into adulthood. And it impacts how they view themselves. Again, it’s not that individuals who grew up in this environment exhibit all these traits, but they do, from one extent to another, exhibit some – maybe even all. Through God’s Spirit, or with the help of professionals or self-help groups, these individuals can overcome the negative impact of these traits. However, the fact is, they exist. For these individuals, these traits can influence how they view themselves. They may not even be aware of it. So who are these people? Who do those ten traits apply to? They are children of an alcoholic parent.

My question is, how aware are we of the environment that has shaped us - our self-image, our self-worth, our self-esteem? We only covered one situation. What about others? These four factors – Satan’s influences on the world, our own thought processes, our current physical situation and our environment – can all impact how we view ourselves, but sometimes we can be unaware of the level of that impact.

We see these factors, but what is our responsibility? As I mentioned earlier – Jeremiah 17, verse 9 – the heart is deceitful.  Yet, we see in Psalms another admonition with regard to our heart – our thought process – I mean in Proverbs. Let’s turn to Proverbs 4, verse 23:

Proverbs 4:23 - Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. The New Living Translation renders it the following: Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

We have a responsibility to guard what we think – not to be swayed by Satan, not to be swayed by the destructive – and self-destructive, at times – ways of this world. We need to be cognizant  of how much the environment has influenced our thinking about ourselves. We are to guard our minds – what we think – because, if we don’t, we can deceive ourselves. There are forces and influences that can lead us down a destructive path. But we are not alone in this battle. We have God’s Spirit to help us in this journey. In fact, through our relationship with God, we have a new way of thinking, and we can combat the negative influences around us.

So now to the crux of the question regarding self-esteem in the Bible, how are we to view ourselves? Let’s go to Jeremiah 1, verse 1, please.

Jeremiah 1:1 – These are the words of Jeremiah, son of Hilkiah, one of the priests from the town of Anathoth in the land of Benjamin.  The Lord first gave messages to Jeremiah during the thirteenth year of the reign of Josiah, son of Amon, king of Judah. The Lord’s messages continued throughout the reign of King Jehoiakim, Josiah’s son, until the eleventh year of the reign of King Zedekiah, another of Josiah’s sons. In August of that eleventh year, the people of Jerusalem were taken away as captives. The Lord gave me this message: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you a part  and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” “O Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!”  The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!”

In this passage from Jeremiah the thing we see is as an accurate view of ourselves comes from an understanding of God’s view of who we are. When God told Jeremiah that He valued him and planned to use him in his life, Jeremiah protested. He was only a child. He could not possibly be of value to God. But God said, “Don’t say I am only a child! You must go everywhere I send you and say whatever I command you.” God had plans for Jeremiah he could not understand.  Jeremiah saw himself as having no value – what we might consider low self-esteem. But God saw him as one who had great value. His value was not in how he saw himself, or even how others saw him. His value was in how God saw him. Likewise, we might not be much in our own estimation. But does it matter? Isn’t the important factor how God views us and how we are viewed by God? With this in mind, I would like to examine some scriptures with regard to how God views His children.

Psalm 139 – and I would like to read from the New Living Bible.  I’d would like to read verses 1 through 18, if I may. Follow along from the New Living Bible in Psalm 139:

Psalms 139:1-18 – O Lord, you have examined my heart   and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.  You know what I am going to say, even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me.  You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me – too great for me to understand!  I can never escape from your Spirit!  I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there, your hand will guide me and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me, and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day.  Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion – as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them. They outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up you are still with me!”

The verses we read in Psalms 139 leave no doubt that we – everyone one of us – are special. We are created by God and He paid attention to the details. We are unique. We are individuals and God knows our uniqueness.

Turn to Luke 12, verse 6. Luke 12, verse 6 – it states:

Luke 12:6 – Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

These verses show that we matter to God. God has a plan for our lives. He is involved in our lives before we were born. He knows us so well that something so insignificant as hairs on our head are numbered.

Ephesians 2, verse 10:

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. The New International Version uses the term handiwork for workmanship. The International Standard and the New Living Version translate the word workmanship as masterpiece. Do we view ourselves as a masterpiece?

1 Corinthians 3, verse 16.

1 Corinthians 3:16 – Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

When we are down on ourselves, when we go through those times of self-doubt and painful views of ourselves, when we think we have little or no value, we should consider the scriptures we just read. We are God’s workmanship, His handiwork, His masterpiece. We are the temple of God and the Spirit of God dwells in it. It’s a far cry from being worms. We also know that God is at work with us. We should be faithful to complete that work.

Turn to Philippians 1, verse 3. 

Philippians 1:3-6 – I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now,  being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Turn to 1 Peter 2, verse 9. 

1 Peter 2:9 – But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

We were made for the glory of God and that is the basis for our self-esteem, our self-worth, our self- image. Unfortunately, sometimes those in God’s family think that to live a life of truly honoring God, it must be self-sacrificial – constantly punishing ourselves for faults and frailties – that, if somehow we don’t view ourselves as scum of the earth, then we doubt our humility. That perspective is just plain inaccurate. I propose that true humility is having an accurate view of oneself. Of course, we understand that we fall short – that we all make mistakes – but we also understand we have been blessed with gifts as well. We have a responsibility to share those gifts, to help others and to encourage others. And through it all – through the tough times and the good times – we are special to God. We are His creation. We are His children. We rely on His guidance, His support as we go through our journey of serving Him and serving others – of putting God and others above ourselves. We should be looking to God for our identity rather than our own standards. Remember, the heart is deceitful. Our standard could be flawed. We could have gone through an environmental matters or situations that skew our thinking. We should not also judge our own worth as compared to others. That is flawed. Genesis 1, verse 31.

Genesis 1:31 – Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

God viewed His creation as very good. We are His creation. So let me ask this question: When we belittle ourselves, are we effectively belittling God and His creation?

We don’t need to go to the other extreme either. We should not allow our self-image to turn into self-focus – placing our desires above all else. We can become full of pride, becoming blind and lost. Romans 12, verse 3. 

Romans 12:3 – For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

When we consider how God views us, we won’t be filled with pride or arrogance, but with awe and appreciation, with wonder, and we do so soberly and with humility.

As we conclude this message, let’s turn to 1 Peter 5, verse 6.

1 Peter 5:6 – Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for he cares for you.

Having a correct self-image – having proper self-esteem is based on humility in the sight of God.  It is understanding our great need for God and appreciating His great love for us. It is rejoicing in His truth and living it – aware of our value to Him through our identity with Jesus Christ. It doesn’t mean we don’t have shortcomings or make mistakes. Even Paul, in Romans 7:24, expressed his frustrations when he said, “Oh, wretched man that I am!” And at times, we will go through those situations where we are frustrated with our actions and our thoughts. Yes, we will stumble. Yes, we will fall. Yes, we will get up, because we have repentance. And through it all – through all the good times and through all the tough times – we are special in God’s sight.