Many of you men are clean in conduct and pure in heart. But virtually every man is tempted sexually. We sometimes win and sometimes lose the spiritual battles with "the lust of the flesh [and] the lust of the eyes" (1 John 2:16).

For clear explanations of these male temptations and how to do battle with them, I highly recommend the books by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man's Battle and Every Young Man's Battle. I also recommend a book by Joshua Harris, Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is).

We can only be saved by God's grace (Ephesians 2:8). But we must continue to put all leaven of sin out of our lives. Even one sin infects and leads to other—usually bigger—sins.

"But among you [believers] there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed... Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or course joking" (Ephesians 5:3-4, NIV, emphasis added throughout).

Brazen misuse of sex saturates our society, as Robert Bork describes in his book, Slouching Toward Gomorrah . But Paul urges us to be shining lights in the dark: "Therefore, having these promises [eternal life in the Kingdom of God!], let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh [our actions] and spirit [our thoughts], perfecting holiness in the fear of God" (2 Corinthians 7:1).

Don't confuse temptation with sin. Even Jesus Christ "was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15). But if you hang around temptations, you will eventually sin because "the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). We must "flee sexual immorality" and "flee ... youthful lusts" (1 Corinthians 6:18; 2 Timothy 2:22).

Nip temptation in the bud, before it turns into sin. Our calling is to bring "every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). Though we will never be perfect at this in this life, rely on God and continually work toward that goal.

Needed: Holy Men of God

True gentlemen are taught from the earliest age not to hit girls—physically, verbally or emotionally. Men of honor are chivalrous—respectful and protective of women.

Unfortunately, men often are more predators than protectors. Women more often than not are the stronger ones in setting and defending moral boundaries. Often men try to go as far they can toward intimacy and intercourse. How shameful this is!

To make matters worse, women have increasingly become sexually aggressive. It is all the more necessary for men to have clear spiritual principles and strong moral boundaries. "Run from her! Don't go near her house!" (Proverbs 5:8, Living Bible). Note how Joseph is a great role model for all of us (Genesis 39:6-12).

Don't be confident about your strength to resist temptations. "Therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (1 Corinthians 10:12). For men with a normal supply of male hormones, sex is a powerful drive. Almost every book in the New Testament—addressed in most cases to Church members—contains needful teachings and warnings about sexual temptations.

Sexual Sins Bring Terrible Consequences

Satan hates God and is jealous of humanity. Satan's short-range goal is to tempt us with the "forbidden fruit" of sinful sex. But Satan's long-range purpose in this is to destroy physical health (such as with sexually transmitted diseases), mental and emotional health and relationships so that people end up with no sex, even in marriage. The only "safe sex" is monogamous sex within marriage. Save your sex for marriage. The potential for great sex in marriage is well worth waiting for!

People become jaded, desensitized and bored with sex that is disconnected from marital love. Romans 1:20-32 describes how those who turn from God to anything immoral are often drawn into more and worse sins as they desperately try to recapture excitement. For example, indulging in soft-core pornography often leads men to hard-core pornography and then addiction. There is less and less real satisfaction, and more and more guilt and depression.

Proverbs is a book of wisdom. It teaches us that sins bring terrible consequences, and this is especially true of sexual sins, as we read in Proverbs 2:10-20; 5:1-23; 6:23-35; 7:1-27; and 9:13-18! Even mighty King David suffered many bad consequences for his adultery with Bathsheba.

God's laws are absolute, and we always suffer penalties for our sins sooner or later. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife [or someone's future wife]; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

Sins of immorality are especially self-destructive. "He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself" (verse 32, Living Bible; compare 1 Corinthians 6:13-20).

Love Versus Lust

Women often suffer more penalties than men when they engage in non-marital sex. The point is that men ought to be terribly ashamed for doing harm to women! Men should treat "older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity" (1 Timothy 5:2). Treat women as you would want someone to treat your mother, sister or daughter.

If you are married, you must be absolutely loyal to your wife. If you are single, you should be absolutely loyal to your future wife. You should want any woman you are dating to be loyal to her future husband.

Don't think, "It's my body. I can do with it what I want." Our bodies and minds are not our own for two reasons. God created us plus "you were bought at a price" by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The only sexual activity that God permits with His property is within marriage.

You are not even second in authority over your body. Your wife or future wife is (1 Corinthians 7:3-4). In part this means you should think of your sexual organs as belonging to your wife (or future wife once you are married). And you are not to touch a woman where only her husband should ever touch her.

Guard Your Eyes, Ears, Mind and Heart

Likewise, God has authority over what we see, hear and think, and He judges us accordingly. Jesus said, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28).

Women can lust, too, so God expects men to be modest in dress and actions as well. But as you know, God made men to be more visually oriented so they are immediately tempted to lust by what they see. Women generally are more slow to react, responding more to romance, relationships and touch.

Jesus went on to explain that we must do whatever it takes to keep from sinning in our minds! (Matthew 5:29-30). In this immodest and sexualized society, that means we very often must look the other way. Instead of our eyes locking on to a woman (or to parts of her body or her underwear, etc.) like radar, we must learn to quickly avert our eyes.

This doesn't mean that we men can't enjoy the God-given attractiveness of women. But when a woman is dressed immodestly or is exposed in some way, like when she leans over and you can see down her blouse, look the other way. Don't ogle her. We must not let a glance turn into a gaze or gape, or let a look turn into lust.

Many men have not grown spiritually enough to recognize these sins as sin, as Paul explains in Romans 7. Others just minimize or excuse this lusting. We men have reasoned, "I'm only looking at the menu—I'm not ordering." Or, "I'm only window shopping—I'm not buying or touching." Or, "A guy is a guy and this is a guy thing—can't we just enjoy a little eye candy?" But God doesn't accept these excuses.

The Every Man series of books explains very well how men must immediately "bounce" their eyes away from any provocative or erotic images, whether they are women or pictures of women—in TV, movies, the Internet, magazines, advertising or wherever. Ask yourself, "Does God want me to see this?"

Let's follow the example of Job, who said, "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl" (Job 31:1, NIV, see also verses 9-10). As you learn to rule over your eyes, you can better rule over your thoughts.

But what if a woman is deliberately being immodest and flaunting her assets? In that case, a man is not being a voyeur or acting against the woman's wishes, is he?

No, but what is God's will? And we must assume that someday that woman is going to be ashamed of her past immodesty and exposure to men. So out of respect for her and her husband or future husband, we must not steal views that God does not intend for us to have (compare Genesis 9:20-23). Another reason is to avoid filling your mind with images and memories that will tarnish your marriage or future marriage.

God's people should have the purest standards of what we allow our eyes to see, so avoid many movies, TV shows, Internet sites and magazines, and all lingerie and swimsuit catalogs. David wrote, "I will set nothing wicked before my eyes" (Psalm 101:3), and "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way" (Psalm 119:37).

We must also control our imaginations and fantasies. It is much easier to control thoughts if our memories are not filled with erotic images, so don't continue to pollute your mind. And since many times masturbation is done while viewing pornography or while fantasizing, ruling over one's eyes and thoughts can eliminate much of the temptation of masturbation. Masturbation can cause serious problems. Guilt complexes, self-centeredness and even the habit itself often continue into marriage.

But how do we purge wrong thoughts from our minds? By filling our minds with "whatever things are noble... pure," etc. (Philippians 4:8). "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word" (Psalm 119:9).

We in God's Church must immerse ourselves in Bible study and seek "the washing of water by the word" (Ephesians 5:26). Keep praying for God's power to overcome bad habits and to grow spiritually.

Will You Choose God's Standards?

During the coming Millennium, probably the only nude woman's body that a man will ever see will be that of his wife after they are married. Because a woman's body is so different from a man's, a married man will be highly attracted and excited by his wife's body. He will not be jaded and bored because of having seen thousands of partly and mostly naked women. He will have no other image with which to compare his wife's body. This will greatly contribute to contented husbands!

Our primary role model should be Jesus Christ. He revolutionized the world in teaching the equal worth of and respect for women. Jesus was friendly to everyone and had women friends, but He never sinned. That means He never improperly touched, ogled or lusted for a woman.

Let us regularly ask, what did and would Jesus do? What would He look at? What would He think? Let us do likewise.

Prepare to give to your wife a healthy body, clean mind and pure heart. That way, you can "live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your... life" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). More importantly, be a spotless member of the Bride of Christ, and look forward to a joyous eternity with Jesus Christ and His entire family!

We strongly recommend that all of our members read our booklet, Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension. 

The next article in this series will be a heart-to-heart talk with women and girls. After that, we plan to have an article for parents on teaching your children about sex and modesty.