The inability to forgive remains one of the central dilemmas in the human experience. It is also one of the most crucial enterprises in which we must engage ourselves. The reason is closely related to our own need of forgiveness. We are all in the same situation. We have all sinned (violated the laws of God), and are therefore worthy of death (Romans 3:23; 6:23).

God offers us a way out of this consequence. Christ would assume that penalty in place of us. Our part is to repent and ask for forgiveness (Acts 2:38). In the model prayer, also known as the Lord's Prayer, the statement is made, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). This gives us a choice.

How important is it that your sins be forgiven? Without forgiveness, we cannot enter into eternal life. Would you forgive others if your life depended on it? It does!

God has set the example and offers us release from the ultimate consequence of violating His laws, which is death. In return, He wants us to extend that same benevolence to our neighbor.

Proverbs 19:11 tells us that it is important to pass over the transgressions of the offending person. This verse also holds a blessing for those who accomplish this response. It states that "his glory is to overlook a transgression." It is an honor to pass over the sins of others, and forgiving is honorable.

Love Your Enemies

We can gain much understanding from the words of Christ recorded in Matthew 5:44. "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you."

Do you recognize how opposed to this attitude the spirit of this age is? Various factions, cultures and nationalities are constantly warring against one another. Some of these resentments and conflicts are thousands of years old. The same attitude of revenge and getting back at people occurs in countless ways on an individual or interpersonal level. Would we want God to deal with us in this manner for our offenses?

I realize that there are some horrific experiences that some individuals and cultures have had to endure. These wounds and hurts run deep in the human psyche. How can one forgive years of physical or sexual abuse? How can a person who experienced the atrocities of the Holocaust, "ethnic cleansings" or the slaughter of hundreds of thousands in brutal wars forgive and not want revenge?

It is a natural human proclivity to want to inflict serious injury on another when we have been hurt or loved ones have been hurt. As in all things, we must look to our Creator God for the answer to these very serious issues regarding revenge and forgiveness.

Why Not Take Revenge?

The clear message from God is that we are not to take revenge. Some might ask, "Why not?" Part of the answer is that we are not able to judge righteously as God can. As humans, we have no way of knowing exactly what consequences will best suit an individual or group of people.

God always looks at the bigger picture. He doesn't want any of us to die eternally. He does want to correct us as loving fathers or mothers would do for their children. We cannot see into the hearts of the offenders. We may have no real understanding of what motivated their actions. We can't see into their hearts to know if they have repentant hearts or not.

Their offences will not go unpunished because God says it is His responsibility to avenge wrong deeds. Romans 12:19 affirms this fact: "'Vengeance is Mine; I will repay,' says the Lord."

Each society has its legal system that deals with violations of its laws. These systems are sometimes corrupt. There are times when the offender may be free of societal consequences or an innocent person may be punished unfairly. This is due to the imperfections in our human judgments.

But God sees all and knows all. He is not manipulated or influenced by our station in this life. Our God is a just God. Even when it appears that the guilty go free, it is only a temporary state. In due time, each individual will be held accountable for his or her offences.

King David had a repentant heart and turned away from lust and adultery, yet he paid a penalty for his sins. God forgave him for his sins and he didn't have to pay the ultimate penalty, but he still had to pay a penalty. Likewise those who have committed terrible crimes against other humans will pay a price as well.

Real Repentance, Not Worldly Sorrow

Each individual will have to confront the offences he or she has committed and must go through the process of repentance. This requires three basic principles. The first is the recognition of the sin we have committed, then a deep sense of sorrow for what we have done. This cannot be worldly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is the type of sorrow that one experiences when one has been caught. Godly sorrow is expressed from the standpoint of a deep sense of remorse for the hurt or lack of love that has been expressed toward an individual and toward God.

Once an individual has reached this point in his or her repentance, he or she then chooses to turn from those harmful actions. This takes God's help. Many of these behaviors that hurt others (along with ourselves) become habits, patterns of dysfunction, obsessions, compulsions and addictions. They are self- and other-destructive, motivated by our carnal nature and highly influenced by the "dark side"—Satan and his cohorts.

Revenge is just another aspect of Satan's nature. He is always seeking revenge for losing his original station in the spiritual realm due in large measure to his rebellion against the Most High. It is important that we not give in to this attitude and behavior of a revengeful spirit. Taking matters into our own hands in the form of revenge will only bring additional heartache upon us and our loved ones.

This doesn't mean that we shouldn't use the legal system that is at our disposal to try to bring about justice. But when we use it we should pray that it will work as it should. In cases where justice does not prevail in society's legal institutions, we can be assured that justice (with mercy) will prevail in God's system of government.

The Opposite of Revenge

Another aspect of not returning evil for evil that works to our advantage is found in 1 Peter 3:9. It says, "Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing."

We can glean from this passage that a blessing awaits us for being able to restrain ourselves from hurting others when we are hurt. We are to do the opposite of seeking revenge, and that is to do good or return good for evil. This is contrary to the natural human response when faced with hurt, pain and suffering at the hands of other people.

The bottom line to this difficult task is that we can't do it on our own. We need the help of God to accomplish this important transaction in our lives.

This scripture confirms that this is part of our Christian walk. If we are to count ourselves a Christian, we need to fulfill this aspect of our Christianity.

How do we return a blessing for an injury? First, we forgive the ones who have hurt us, and then pray for them. We pray that God's mercy will be imparted to them. We pray that whatever circumstances in their own lives have led to their need or desire to hurt others would be alleviated. We ask God to heal us of those injuries and for His help so that we will not inflict pain and suffering on others. We then place our faith and trust in God that He will honor our prayer.

The question has sometimes been asked, "Does an individual need to express sorrow or attempt to reconcile with us before we forgive him?" The answer to that question is complex.

Nave's Topical Bible lists one scripture related to reconciliation between two individuals, Matthew 5:23-24: "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." The New Testament word for reconcile is diallasso, which in essence means, "to effect an alteration, to exchange" (Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words). The admonition here is to make a "mutual concession after mutual hostility."

If we have offended another person, we need to go to that person and seek to change the nature of that relationship from one of hostility to one of love and outgoing concern for the other. We need to make amends for the injury, emotional or otherwise, that we have inflicted upon that person. Once we have done this, then the gift we bring before God will be acceptable.

Luke 17:3 says: "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." One might ask the question, "Doesn't this imply that our brother needs to repent before we forgive him?" Let's take a closer look at the scripture to discover the answer.

The term rebuke here means to go and tell him his fault and seek an explanation for the thing he has done to offend you. Explain to him how his action has affected you, so that he may have an opportunity to correct the problem and express repentance for his action. This approach is preferable to harboring ill feelings and creating a barrier between you and your brother. By handling matters in this manner, misunderstandings can be cleared up and unintentional offenses can be avoided or corrected. In the long run, this will strengthen our relationship with our brother. Once the offense or misunderstanding has been forgiven, it should not come up again in our mind, heart or conversation.

If you go to your brother and he does not repent of his offense toward you, you are still obligated to love him, but his failure to repent lies between him and God. Our responsibility in the matter has been fulfilled. We are not to hold grudges or resentment, seek revenge or speak evil of him. Instead we are to extend our love and goodwill toward him. We can't restore the relationship to harmony without his repentance, but we still are to love him. When our brother does come to us to repent of the trespasses or offenses against us, we are to immediately forgive him and seek reconciliation.

According to Strong's, the Greek word aphiemi means to lay aside, let alone, put away, remit and yield up, in addition to forgive. Another Greek word, apoluo, means to free fully, relieve, release, dismiss, let die, pardon, let go, loose, put away, release or set at liberty. We are to set at liberty and let go of negative thoughts and feelings associated with the offense, as well as releasing the individual from the debt to us of that offense. We must strive to not let it enter our minds in a negative sense again.

God's example to us is that He puts sin away as far as the east is from the west. As a result of this approach, our Heavenly Father will, through His grace, forgive us. God comes to us in various ways to convict us of our sins, and when they become evident to us, we are to repent.

There are at least two examples where individuals sought God's forgiveness for others, even when repentance from the offenders was not yet present. The one instance is when Stephen, while being unjustly stoned, asked God not to charge them with this sin. An unforgiving heart could not have made such a request.

Another dramatic example is during the crucifixion of Christ. In Luke 23:34, Jesus makes the following statement: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." It seems unlikely that Jesus would have made this statement had He not forgiven them Himself. It serves no useful purpose to hold onto anger, pain, resentment, bitterness, hostility or revengeful thoughts and actions. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 2:11 to not allow Satan to "take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices." Satan would like for us not to forgive because it affects our salvation.

Forgiveness Helps Us

It seems apparent that if we do not forgive others, then our own forgiveness is in jeopardy. Listen to what Christ says: "But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:15).

This would result in greater consequences to ourselves, potentially increasing our own suffering. It is clear that if we do not let go of anger, resentment and bitterness, we cannot be truly happy. Our ability to experience and give love is hampered because these negative emotions contaminate our ability to fully express positive emotions. Forgiveness becomes critical to our own well-being.

The Bible gives us some additional guidelines when it comes to how we are to return a blessing to those who have offended us. Proverbs 24:17 instructs us that we are not to rejoice when our enemy experiences misfortune.

Proverbs 25:21 states that when our enemy is in need, we should provide those needs. It is the principle of returning good for evil that God is emphasizing. The metaphor of then heaping coals of fire upon their heads (verse 22) is one that denotes the melting and possibly purifying of the hardness of their evil intent. Goodness in response to evil will invariably produce good. This principle may not bear fruit until a later time. It is further noted in this passage that the "LORD will reward you" for this action.

As mentioned above, the ultimate example of forgiveness was Christ's on the cross. Jesus was speaking about those who were responsible for His crucifixion. What each of us needs to bear in mind is that it wasn't only those who were physically there that fateful day, but Christ was asking for each one of us to be forgiven because each of us played a part in His death. Christ has forgiven us for our part in His physical abuse and death. Should we not forgive the trespasses of others? UN

 

Biblical Words for Forgive

The Bible uses several words translated forgive in English. God is the subject of most of them—He is the forgiver. The word used of human forgiving in the Old Testament (Strong's Hebrew 5375) "means basically 'lift,' 'carry,' and presents the vivid picture of sin being lifted... and carried right away" (New Bible Dictionary).
The three New Testament words can mean "to send forth, send away... to remit or forgive (a) debts... these being completely cancelled" (aphiemi), "to bestow a favour unconditionally" (charizomai) and "to let loose from... to release" (apoluo) (Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words).

Relating Real-Life Stories of Forgiveness

• Corrie ten Boom, who risked her life to help Jews escape from the Nazis and ended up in a concentration camp, wrote about her experience after the war in her book, The Hiding Place (1971 and 1984, page 215):

"It was in a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there—the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face.

"He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. 'How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,' he said. 'To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!'

"His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

"Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.

"I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.

"As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened...into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

"And so I discovered that...when He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

• "'I'm Wade Pfarr,' he said, his voice barely above a whisper. 'Because I got drunk and then got behind the wheel, two good people are dead. Because of me, Liz will never see her husband and daughter again...'"

Liz Parrow told her story in the November 2000 issue of Guideposts. About six weeks after the horrendous tragedy of losing her husband and daughter, she got a call from one of the drunk driver's friends. "'Wade would like to tell you how sorry he is in person. I know it's a lot to ask, but will you consider meeting him?'

"Warily I agreed to see Wade at my church that weekend. When we met face to face after the service and I saw the tears coursing down his cheeks, I felt not anger but compassion. 'I'm sorry, Mrs. Parrow,' he murmured. 'I'm so sorry.' He hung his head.

At that moment Liz Parrow made the incredible choice to tell the one who killed her family members that she forgave him.

"Wade cried harder. 'I don't deserve it,' he sobbed. 'How can you forgive me when I've taken so much from you?'

"I reached out and took his hand. 'Only through God.'"