"Thou shalt not narc" is a commandment that has been diligently kept by young people. Depending on where and when you were in school, the act of reporting someone to the authorities has been called many things: tattling, ratting on, betraying, snitching, squealing or being an informer.

No one wanted to be known as a tattletale unless he or she was the teacher's pet. Older individuals are often affected by this "commandment" as well.

In truth we should not "narc," but we should "remark." Let me explain what I mean. More difficulty may arise if matters are not handled properly.

First, consider this example. The names have been changed, but the situation is real. Two girlfriends, Mary and Liz, noticed that Jane was losing weight. Jane made excuses when it came time to have dinner together. If she did come to dinner or ate with them, she soon visited the washroom. On several occasions, it was noticed that Jane had been throwing up and that her body was becoming emaciated.

Mary and Liz did not know what to do. They sought advice. They were counseled not to "narc" on their friend Jane, but to "remark" to her that they were concerned. They advised Jane to get help and that they would go with her to the counselor. They were afraid that Jane would reject their advice and then reject them as friends. They also realized that Jane's behavior was such that she was hurting herself badly and needed help.

They confronted Jane gently, and Jane agreed after some resistance to seek help. All three came to my office and, as Jane tearfully related to me what was going on with her eating disorder, her friends sat beside her with tears in their eyes. I reminded all of them of the wonderful friendship that they had. Mary and Liz were willing to risk a wonderful friendship to help their friend. They all shed a few more tears and they and I were able to help Jane on the road to recovery from the dreaded eating disorder.

They did not "narc" on their friend, but they did "remark" that they noticed a behavior that was not good for her. They then helped her to get help and accompanied their friend for comfort and support.

If you saw your friend getting ready to ride a sled over a cliff, would you reach out to tell him or her, "Don't do it"? Or would you merely stand by and watch the person hurt him or herself? We don't like difficult, touchy situations, however, when we encounter such situations, we must appropriately deal with them. That is brotherly love.

So, if you see your friends or brothers in the faith hurting themselves by behaviors that are unhealthy or sinful, don't "narc" or "tattle" on them, but go to them in humility and help them get help. Don't just ask them to get help. Offer to go with them. Give them a deadline to make up their minds. If they are unwilling, then you must seek help for them or figuratively watch them slide right over the cliff to destruction.

The apostle Paul wrote to the churches in the region of Galatia and said, "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness considering yourself lest you also be tempted" (Galatians:6:1Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.). Jesus' half-brother James wrote this: "Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins" (James:5:19-20[19]Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;[20]Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.).

So, the next time you learn of friends or brothers or sisters in trouble, don't "narc" or "tattle," but do help them by "remarking" to them about their situation and then helping them to get the help they need!

"Thou shalt not narc" but "thou shalt love your brothers and sisters" enough to help them out of their difficulties!