If you’re a parent, you have the incredible responsibility and privilege of shaping your children’s character development. One of the most critical aspects of this role is instilling values that will guide them throughout their lives. Without a solid moral compass, they’re at the mercy of random emotions or whatever is popular with their peers or in the media, which could get them into trouble.

But what morals should you teach your kids? Educators, media professionals, psychologists, physicians and self-help gurus all have their own lists, with everyone having their own ideas about what virtues are essential.

Yet there’s no reason for the confusion. Absolute moral standards have been clearly spelled out for us. The source of these truths is what society has largely cast aside—the Bible. Within its pages, we’re told what behaviors, attitudes and attributes are important to God. They’re important to Him because He, as our Creator and Designer, knows what works toward our good. His standards are what we should value, and what our children and grandchildren should value too.

Realistically, your kids probably won’t adopt these values on their own initiative or just by chance, especially with all the godless messages coming at them from the media and entertainment industries. It’s critical that you talk with your kids on a regular basis about what God values, and how these truths can be applied in their everyday lives.

The following eight qualities, which are core biblical values, would be a good place to start.

1. Humility

Modern Western society emboldens us to be prideful. We’re urged to climb the ladder, put our personal desires first, promote ourselves, show off, strive to be the “top dog” and seek positions of power and status.

At a coffee shop recently, a group of teenage girls was sitting at the table next to me. Several were trying to outdo each other in terms of how many “likes” they got on social media. Two were taking nonstop selfies. The only pronouns I heard were “I” and “me.” Each was absorbed in her own little world, hardly interacting with anyone else.

In contrast, the Bible tells us to “be clothed with humility” (1 Peter 5:5) and that “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble” (same verse and James 4:6, New International Version; see Matthew 23:12). Humility is a foundational biblical virtue (Colossians 3:12; Titus 3:2) and something you should definitely instill in your children.

In Character Still Counts, author James Merritt describes what humility is and isn’t: “Humility is not refusing to have any ambition to be better and to do better to reach your fullest potential, both in who you are and what you can do . . . Humility is not self-humiliation. Rather than putting yourself down, humility is putting yourself in your rightful place. That place is always second place for the good of others” (2019, p. 63).

Humility is not always valued in this world, but it’s necessary for harmony with others. Humility strengthens relationships because the focus is on building others up and thinking about their needs rather than making ourselves look good or pushing our own agendas. Humility also facilitates personal growth. Humble people know there’s always something new to learn and improve about themselves, and they recognize correction as an opportunity to grow.

2. Honesty

Dishonesty has become a way of life in our culture. People lie on job applications, cheat on tests, make up stories to cover their mistakes and stretch the truth on social media—and think nothing of it.

A friend shared how, when she was growing up, if she answered the phone and it was someone her father didn’t want to talk to, he’d tell her to say he was taking a nap and couldn’t be disturbed. Many times she even observed her father calling in sick to work when he wasn’t just so he could have a day off.

“This really clouded my own ideas about honesty,” my friend admitted. “My dad would tell me that lying is normal—that everyone does it. So the bad lesson I learned was that you don’t always have to tell the truth. So I started telling a lot of my own lies. And the more I did, the less people trusted me, and the harder it was to make and keep friends.”

Children need to know why honesty is important and, in contrast, that dishonesty always makes situations worse (even if it temporarily “seems right”). There are many examples in the Bible of people who told lies and how that backfired on them. Share these stories with your kids. Go over verses like Psalm 101:7 and Jeremiah 9:5, which make it very clear that God is not pleased with people who practice deceit.

Explain what being honest entails in real-life terms—that it means keeping promises, following through on commitments (see also point 6), being respectful of others’ property (including not stealing), and not purposely misleading others (through half-truths, exaggeration, etc.). A good point to emphasize is that if people can’t trust us, it will be impossible for us to have healthy relationships.

3. Self-control

Self-control is the ability to regulate our thoughts, emotions and impulses and behave the way we know is right. It means obeying God’s and man’s laws, or doing what is necessary to achieve personal goals despite internal pulls to do the opposite. Self-control includes delaying gratification and controlling anger and emotional outbursts.

Children with self-control will quietly sit in an auditorium while a performance is going on, not throw tantrums when their parents say “no” to something they want. They’ll do their homework when they’d rather play video games, and refrain from name-calling when someone taunts them.

Merritt describes self-control this way: “A lion named ‘self’ lives within each of us. This animal is wild and destructive but tamable. The biggest enemy you will have to your success, to going where you can and should go and being who you can and should be, will always be you. If you want to win the battle of life, you have to tame that lion within . . . Either self will control you or you will control self” (p. 181).

While children’s character is determined by their own choices—as you can’t make them have self-control or any other character trait—you can help motivate them to doing what’s right. Remind them that God sees how they live their lives and that self-control is very important to Him. A good place to start is by reading Proverbs 16:32, which says that “he who rules his spirit [is better] than he who takes a city.”

Point out the benefits of self-control. There is always more harmony when those present are in control of their emotions. Your children need to know they’ll achieve far more successes and have fewer lessons to learn the hard way if they learn to control their destructive impulses.

4. Compassion

For even young children, everyday life can be packed with big emotions. Your child’s playground pal might fall down and cry. Maybe a friend is in tears about being teased or because the family pet died. If you have teens, they too will face others who are upset, down or discouraged. It’s essential that your kids know how to extend compassion and help those who are hurting.

That might sound like an ability that comes naturally, when really it doesn’t. Human beings have the tendency to be preoccupied with their own needs, wants, ideas and perspectives. It can be hard to put ourselves “in other people’s shoes,” especially if they’re experiencing something we haven’t. And for children in particular, they may not find it “fun” to be around someone who is hurting.

Yet children need to know that compassion—showing understanding and sympathy to those who are suffering and helping them with their needs—is a core biblical virtue. The Bible tells us to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). Romans 12:15 says we should “weep with those who weep.” The apostle Peter counseled Christians to have “compassion for one another” (1 Peter 3:8).

The ultimate example of someone who showed deep compassion is Jesus Christ, who “when he saw the crowds . . . had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless” (Matthew 9:36, NIV). Jesus often showed sensitivity to others (see Matthew 14:14; Mark 1:40-41; Luke 7:11-16; John 11:33-35). Go over these passages with your kids.

Explain, too, that showing compassion is not only encouraging to those on the receiving end, “it’s also beneficial to the one extending the compassion,” says Nadine Kaslow, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University. “Helping children develop a strong sense of compassion encourages patience with and acceptance of others, and helps them build stronger, more meaningful relationships.”

Research has shown that compassionate individuals also tend to better deal with conflict, have less stress and are happier.

5. Respect for others

The apostle Peter admonished believers: “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king” (1 Peter 2:17). The word translated honor in this verse can also be translated as respect and literally means “to place a great value or high price on something.”

Being respectful is to behave in a courteous and considerate way toward other people and to make them feel valued and appreciated. It involves treating others the way you would want to be treated, and displaying tact and good manners toward them, even if they are rude to you or if you disagree with them or don’t particularly enjoy their company.

Be sure to teach children whom they should show respect to. That includes parents (Ephesians 6:2; Matthew 15:4), governing authorities (Romans 13:1-7), the ministry of the Church (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13) and the elderly (Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 20:29). Really, though, as was stated in 1 Peter 2:17, kids should be taught to be polite with everyone.

“Respect plays no favorites,” writes Merritt. “The chauffeur driving the limousine is as worthy of respect as the one who owns the limousine. Too often, we are overly concerned about being respected without being as concerned with being respectful . . . The foundation of respect must begin with an acknowledgment that we are all created in God’s image and therefore all equally worthy of respect” (pp. 106-107).

As is true with compassion, respect is as beneficial to the individual bestowing the respect as the one being respected. Everyone likes to be treated with kindness. “When children learn to be respectful, they grow up to be empathic and considerate of others, and that provides a solid foundation for relationships,” Kaslow says.

6. Responsibility

Another biblical virtue to focus on with your children is responsibility, which has multiple aspects. One is taking responsibility for what you’ve done or not done rather than blaming others or trying to justify yourself. We need to own up. If children always blame others for their troubles, they’ll see no reason to change. Galatians 6:4-5 says to “pay careful attention to your own work . . . For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (New Living Translation). When kids admit and recognize their mistakes, they can start to find solutions and make improvements. And even if they are victims, they should consider if they have possibly contributed to the problem.

Another vital aspect of responsibility is having a sense of duty and honor—a mindset that leads to meeting commitments and being dependable so people know you can be counted on to help, and being a contributing member of your family, church or community. A person with this mindset feels a moral responsibility to provide assistance to others—even when it requires making personal sacrifices.

A child should come to recognize the importance of being a person of your word, maintaining a good name or reputation (Proverbs 22:1), representing yourself, your family and God well—for personal self-respect as well as faithfulness in serving God and others.

One mom told me how she’s been able to instill responsibility in her kids: “They have their regular chores, and if they don’t do them, I’ll talk with them about how we all need to do our part to keep the household running. I also encourage my kids to offer to help other family members and neighbors with whatever tasks they might be doing. They don’t always have the skillset to do the work, but just offering to help gets them thinking about other people’s needs.”

7. Perseverance and resilience

To one degree or another, all children face challenges, hardships and setbacks. They might try out for a sports team, have to practice for a piano recital, struggle with schoolwork, perform poorly in a competition, or fail a class. What helps kids get through these times are the same things that help adults overcome obstacles—perseverance and resilience.

These character strengths are similar but not exactly the same, explains New York psychologist Caren Baruch-Feldman: “Perseverance means staying the course to meet a challenge of some kind and not quitting. Resilience is about dealing with disappointments and failures and being able to bounce back, and maybe even coming away stronger.”

It’s vital that kids learn to both persevere and be resilient—not only to achieve successes in school and other youth activities, but also as preparation to meet career goals and other adult challenges.

The Bible admonishes us to persevere when we face difficulties (Matthew 24:13; Galatians 6:9; James 5:11; Hebrews 12:1). When we experience a defeat, we should get back on our feet and try again (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Proverbs 24:16 could be viewed as the marching orders to be resilient: “For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again” (NIV). These are key verses to go over with your kids.

Children should also be taught that when we have a relationship with God, our perspectives on perseverance and resilience will differ from someone who doesn’t. In particular, the goal becomes not just academic or career successes but growing spiritually. That might involve working through relationship problems with another person or staying committed to overcoming a personal weakness.

Sarah, age 22, shared what she learned about resilience after being seriously injured in an auto accident at 17: “I was in a cast for several months and couldn’t do much. My parents told me the way to get through this trial was to look to God for help—that there was only so much I could do with my own strength alone. Also, there were some big lessons God was helping me see about myself. Keeping these things in mind gave me reasons to hang in there and not get overly discouraged.”

8. Trust in God

Instead of looking to God, people in our increasingly secular society put their trust in their finances, possessions, abilities, achievements, intellect and feelings. Or they place their confidence in political movements, technology and science. The trouble is, none of these things offers real solutions or lasting hope.

A major theme of the Bible is to not put our faith in self or other people, but in God (Proverbs 3:5; Jeremiah 17:5). Only God is truly faithful and trustworthy (Deuteronomy 7:9; Psalms 25:10; 146:6). His word, as expounded in the Bible, is the one source of eternal truth (Psalms 93:5; 111:7).

Children should be taught to look to God for guidance in their day-to-day decisions, and to trust God to protect and provide for them. While children should be responsible, work hard and make wise decisions, they should always remember that their lives are ultimately in God’s hands. Trusting God also includes believing what’s written in the Bible and being convicted that it provides the answers to our real-life problems.

The fact is, trusting God is the starting point to valuing all the other things we should. But if we don’t trust God—if instead we look to ourselves to decide the right course or put our hope in what’s physical—we might have “values,” but they won’t be what God values. Teach your kids that the only true values are those based on the absolute truths outlined in the Bible.

In summary, try to make biblical values a regular conversation topic with your kids, starting with the eight core values discussed here. That will help your children build a relationship with God, get along with other people, and be better prepared to face an increasingly godless society.

 

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5 Ways to Instill Moral Values in Your Kids

Along with discussing biblical virtues with your children, there are numerous other things you can do to help instill good morals in them, such as:

1. Be a good example.

Your children learn a lot just by watching you. They’ll observe how you treat your spouse, what you do in traffic jams, if you cheat when playing games, and whether you admit your mistakes or deny them. They’ll likely follow your example, so make sure the behavior they see is what you want them to imitate.

2. Take advantage of “teachable moments.”

Use everyday experiences as springboards to reinforce lessons about character. For instance, if you catch your son lying, seize the opportunity to talk with him about how lies destroy trust. If your daughter is upset because she did poorly on a test, that’s a good time to talk with her about resilience. Drawing attention to everyday situations helps children see why values matter.

3. Turn TV time into family time.

Watch TV and movies with your children so you know what they’re viewing, and can talk about it afterwards. Select shows and movies to watch that reflect high ethical standards and impart good moral lessons.

4. Know what your kids are learning through school.

Carefully look over your kids’ textbooks and coursework. If you see or hear anything that contradicts biblical teachings, that will tell you specific areas you need to address with your kids or if they need a new environment.

5. Find opportunities to let them practice biblical values.

Encourage your children to serve others. They could make get-well cards for people who are sick, visit elderly shut-ins or help neighbors with yardwork. This will help them internalize values like compassion and respect.

If you’ve never talked about values with your children before, there’s no time like the present to start. What matters most is that you don’t just leave what they learn to chance.