It’s almost like telling a fairy tale when we speak about fathers. “Once upon a time when dads were respected and responsible . . . ” Where did it go? It seems like society just does not find fathers valuable anymore, nor expect them to be responsible. The APA says that 40-50 percent of marriages end in divorce (a shocking statement!), and few of these divorces end with dad having full custody. Aside from that, many are not married at all. One out of every 15 males will father a child in their teens. Only 20 percent marry the mothers of those children, and most won’t interact with the children (source: Teen Dad Pregnancy Facts-Modern Mom). So where does that leave the kids?

Fathers need to be a part of their children’s lives. They need to show their children what a real dad looks like.

In Scripture, we see many examples of what a dad is supposed to be. Fathers such as Isaac were shown as loving and stable people who gave blessings to their children (Genesis 27). The father protected the family and was the provider. When a man had a child, he was committed to the child good or bad. We see this in the parable of the prodigal son. The father was so happy to once again see his wayward son that he threw a tremendous party and rejoiced (Luke 15:11-32). Noah too was a great example of a good father who worked hard and showed faithfulness. And then there was Abraham, who was the father to all of Israel.

Unfortunately, a lot has changed. Fathers for decades have been depicted on TV and in movies as bumbling fools. They are shown as lazy, self-centered, effeminate and just plain inept. Not only do they not have a clue, they are often shown as frightened by their children. Or the father is depicted as either a drunk, angry and uncaring, or not there at all. Others show divorced dads who do nothing but fight with their ex-spouse. These are the examples of dads our children view daily. It has become increasingly difficult to find a show with a loving, capable, and intelligent father in it. It is also regrettable that these characters end up being role models for our children.

As adults, men raised without dads don’t think they are capable and give up before they start. Male children raised without a father or with one who is emotionally absent have few examples to show them how it’s done. It is a “what’s in it for me” attitude in society today. It’s all about what makes the individual happy. But that never works when raising a family. This way of thinking also means some parents don’t think twice about doing drugs or drinking to excess while with their children. This leads to an uptick of mental and physical abuse. One might just watch the daily news to see that. The children are left feeling neglected and needy (Colossians 3:21).

When a man gets a woman pregnant today, they often feel no responsibility towards the child. And many just walk away when things get tough. Worse, the mother often feels there is no need for a man in the child’s life. I am by no means saying a woman’s incapable of raising a child alone, but there is a lot to be said for having the father around. Studies back up the problems that can arise when the father is absent.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2011 12 percent of children of married couples lived in poverty. That number quadrupled for homes without fathers. In fact, a 2012 study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that in female-headed homes without a spouse present, 47.6 percent of families lived in poverty. Statistics in 2015 estimated that 20 million children live in a fatherless home. Many studies also state that children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide. Married couples also have children with less external and internal behavioral problems (Fragile Families Study; Hofferth, S., Nat’l Board of Health & Welfare, AZ State University et al.).

We also need to be careful not to fall into the kind of thinking we see on the sitcoms. Making a mockery of what fatherhood is. We must respect those dads who are doing the best they can to parent in a world that does not show them any respect at all. It angers God when we disrespect our parents and scripture speaks to it (Proverbs 30:17). We must not let ourselves become one of these statistics. Scripture says, “'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth'” (Ephesians 6:2-3).

How can we honor a father who is not there? Fathers need to be a part of their children’s lives. They need to show their children what a real dad looks like. Paul wrote, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). This is no small matter! Fathers too should be showing such honor to God the Father and teaching their children how to do so (Hebrews 12:9; Proverbs 6:20). The family is important, and we must not take the role of the father lightly.