Many of us have bad habits we want to break. We may use bad or inappropriate language because that’s how we were brought up. Perhaps we smoke, gamble, drink too much alcohol or simply fail to listen to others due to impatience or disinterest.

Maybe we talk too much or overeat because we are bored or stressed. Untidiness—negligence in putting things away after we’ve used them—can be a problem. Perhaps we habitually exaggerate.

Cause and effect

Some of these bad habits could cause serious health problems. Uncontrolled anger could result in criminal acts, and even untidiness can cause problems within families. All of these bad habits have one thing in common—they all reveal a lack of self-control.

Some wake up in the morning craving a cigarette or come home from work and say, “I need a drink.” We may shout at the kids because it is simpler than getting to the root of whatever is really wrong. If so, we are not in complete control of our own lives.

The apostle Paul wrote, “You are that one’s slaves whom you obey” (Romans 6:16). If we do not take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions, no one else will.

So how can we go about taking control of our lives? Perhaps we can learn from cognitive behavioral therapists—they’re the sort of people who help with such things as phobias, eating disorders and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorders such as nightmares and panic attacks.

Cognitive means “the action or faculty of knowing or perceiving as opposed to volition and emotion.” Basically it means being aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Admitting the problem

First we have to admit we have a problem. This is often the hardest part. Maybe it isn’t entirely our fault. The problem may be the result of a habit we learned in early childhood. But does that mean we should continue to live with it?
Having first admitted that the problem exists, we should be sure we really want to break the habit. What are the likely outcomes of not defeating the problem—serious ill health, divorce, embarrassment? What are the pluses of overcoming—better surroundings, better health, more money, peace of mind, the joy of overcoming and building a better relationship with God? Once we have decided that we are serious about trying to break a habit, here are some techniques that we can use.

Try to think of a time when you have given in to a bad habit recently. Visualize the situation and analyze how and why it happened. What were the feelings at the time? It often helps to keep a diary of the incidents and why we think they happened. Therapists issue diary sheets, which those being counseled are asked to complete each time they encounter their phobia or nightmare. Writing things down helps our memory and also aids us in learning to recognize what is going on and to anticipate problems in advance.

We may try to think of other ways the situation could have been handled, such as asking someone else how they would deal with a similar situation. The other person’s solution may not be the best for us, but the more ideas we have, the better armed we are to defeat the habit.

Try to be aware if the habit recurs over the next few days. As we become more aware, we will probably find it has less hold over us. We will need willpower, but will hopefully recognize when the habit normally takes over, and then take steps to avoid being ensnared.

Commonsense solutions

Setting up a distraction may be helpful, such as listening to music or planning a task to keep ourselves occupied. A new hobby or other interest might prove useful.

It is best to avoid areas associated with past failures. For example, if smoking is a problem, we shouldn’t visit the store where we typically bought cigarettes in the past, since we know we may end up buying them again.

Other family members or friends may also be able to help. If appropriate, we could seek competent professional help.

The spiritual dimension

Persistent prayer has been proved to work for those who really believe in God.
Speaking of Jesus Christ as our High Priest, the book of Hebrews says: “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16, emphasis added).

We can’t promise that these suggestions will work for everyone, every time. But becoming more self-aware is a tool that may enable us to resist bad habits.

For further information about how to improve our lives and relationships, read our free brochure Making Life Work.

This article previously appeared in The British and European Supplement to The Good News magazine.