Standing before a large crowd of friends, another young couple solemnly exchanged wedding vows. The minister asked the groom, “Do you faithfully promise and covenant with God in the presence of these witnesses to take so-and-so to be your lawful wedded wife—in sickness and in health, in good times and in difficult times, for as long as you both shall live?”

He then asked the question of the bride. Both joyfully said, “I do.” But did they?

In much of the Western world many couples do not honor their vows by staying together as husband and wife. The tragedy of divorce dismantles a significantly high number of households. The pain of failed marriages is experienced all too often. Although every failed marriage has its own sad tale, several common misunderstandings contribute to the problem.

Marriage not just a physical relationship

Debates over mankind’s origin don’t help. The common—and erroneous—view that Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution explains our existence is confusing and detrimental to marriages. The theory classifies man as part of the animal kingdom. Though this theory places man at the top of a hierarchy of animals because of his superior skills and abilities, such thinking degrades humanity and hides the fact that God created us to be part of His Kingdom.

We humans often live up to the expectations of our parents or other influential figures. If we are taught or influenced to believe that we are no more than animals, should we be surprised that many of us act like animals? Although a few species of animals mate for life, most do not remain faithful to one partner throughout their lifetimes. When the females of the species go into heat, they have sex with any opposite-sex member of their species that happens along. Driven by their sexual urges and not realizing their ultimate potential, some people live their lives in a similarly promiscuous fashion.

Although most people agree that a committed relationship with one person is ideal, television shows and movies continue to glamorize and portray indiscriminate sexual relations and divorce as normal and even desirable. Such entertainment, coupled with disregard for our spiritual potential, takes a toll. Marriages pay a dear price for such confusion and aberrant messages.

From the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8), God’s plan has been to expand His family (Ephesians 3:14-15). Jesus Christ came to earth to help us attain our spiritual potential—“to become children of God” (John 1:12). Those who respond to this high calling will be invited to the greatest marriage in the history of the universe—“the marriage supper of the Lamb.” When Jesus returns He will take as His bride those who have made themselves ready through “righteous acts” (Revelation 19:7-9).

The apostle Paul understood that God instituted marriage between human beings as representative of the great marriage to Christ and a way for us to better understand the loving relationship between Jesus and His devoted followers, who comprise His Church. Paul taught wives to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) and husbands to love their wives “just as Christ also loved the church” (verse 25). Concluding his explanation of godly marriage, Paul wrote: “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (verse 32).

Marriage is not simply a physical relationship that exists on a human level. It is a God-plane relationship. It was instituted by God to help us prepare for an eternal relationship with Him and His Son, Jesus.

Understanding love

Another misunderstanding that threatens marriages relates to love. Many people don’t know what real love is. Assuming that love just mysteriously happens and they have no control over it, some believe divorce is the solution when problems appear. It seems too many forget their vows to stay together in the good times and the bad.

The biblical definition of love does not cast humans as victims of a capricious, uncontrollable emotion.
Writing to members of the Church in Corinth, the apostle Paul described how true love works. “Love suffers,” he explained. And not only does it suffer, it “suffers long” (1 Corinthians 13:4). Some people apparently have never understood that love entails considerable patience, bearing with another’s human weaknesses and faults. Paul’s instruction is not meant to condone abusive behaviors or immorality but to teach us that the little irritants of living with another human being—their likes and dislikes and foibles—need to be tolerated.

As Paul wrote: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (verses 4 to 8).

The biblical definition of love does not cast humans as victims of a capricious, uncontrollable emotion.

Instead, love involves conscious choice—and its depth and breadth are demonstrated most fully not in good times, but through difficulty.

Immature love is an emotion that focuses primarily on personal gratification—what someone else can do for us. Godly love, the kind of love that Paul and other biblical writers describe, focuses on what we can do for others and how we can make ourselves more loving and lovable.

Marriage and commitment

When we understand that marriage is a covenant (Malachi 2:14), that understanding should have a positive impact on the longevity of our relationship with our husband or wife. Though we commonly speak of exchanging wedding vows, many forget the three-party covenant involved in marriage. They lose sight that the marriage covenant is a solemn agreement that includes not only one’s mate but God Himself.

When we make a covenant with God, He expects us to honor that commitment—even on the days we wake up feeling no longer “in love.” Wise King Solomon explains: “When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed—better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands? For in the multitude of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But fear God” (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7).

Emphasizing the personal responsibility each of us must take in fulfilling our vows, King David wrote a song that included this phrase: “Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God” (Psalm 56:12). He concluded another psalm: “So I will sing praise to Your name forever, that I may daily perform [honor] my vows” (Psalm 61:8).

If you are married, consider these important questions. Do you understand that marriage is a God-plane relationship? Do you realize love is something we do rather than only something we feel? Finally, have you performed your vow today?