Many poems, stories and songs have been written about love. The power of this unseen concept is immense. It does not exist in the animal kingdom; but in the human realm, love is a powerful force. So powerful that if little babies do not experience love from someone, such as their parents, they will die. It is a concept that is abused among humans. The need to be loved is such a strong force that we often make very poor choices to fulfill it. We may not voice our need, but it drives us from within.

If a person really does love you, he or she will do everything possible to insure your well-being. I have been told that when I was about a year old, when I cried, my older sister would throw everything into the crib to placate me. It was not done to show love, it was done because of her jealousy. She did not want our mother to pay attention to me. Children need to learn to express love in a right and good way.

All of us need to learn this. It should be clear that if someone expresses love for you but then brings you into danger or encourages you to do something that may hurt you, that is not love. It may be fulfilling some need or drive within that person and our response may be fulfilling some drive within ourselves. Only when those drives are healthy, right and good does real love exist. Verses 4-8 of 1 Corinthians describes true love.

True love

I have often heard of young people saying to one another: “If you love me, you will…” Often, the result is that the person does what the other asks to prove their love. That is not love at all from either party. First of all, if a person really does love you, he or she would never ask you to do something that might cause you to lose self-respect, dignity, the respect of others or cause tension within your family. These days the request is all too often related to a sexual act. Such a request does not reflect true love at all. The response doesn’t either. You do not need to degrade yourself to prove your love to someone.

It seems so difficult to get this lesson through our heads. True love edifies, makes better, improves and brings joy and all the good things of life. Statements such as “If you love me, you will…” (tolerate my drinking, satisfy my needs, forgive me for hitting you, overlook my foul temper, etc.) are all examples of anything but true love. They are requests that are an attempt to use love as a force to make the other person do something that overlooks your own weakness or faults. Such demands show selfishness.

The need to be loved is such a strong force that we often make very poor choices to fulfill it.

God has inspired that phrase “If you love me…” to be included in the Bible. In John 14:15 Jesus said, “If you love Me…” (see also John 14:23; 15:10). When God makes these statements and asks an action from us to prove that love towards Him, the result is always for our benefit. That is true love, when the loved one benefits and there are inherent positive results from the request. God tells us that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. There is nothing but good that can come to us for doing this.

Jesus said, If you love Me, “feed My sheep” (John 21:16, King James Version throughout). He also promised great rewards. “I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2) and you “will receive an hundredfold…” (Matthew19:29) are only two of the many examples where Jesus makes us a partner with Him in doing the work of God—a work which results in blessings that last forever. That is the reflection of true love—making requests that will benefit the person who is being asked to do something.

How pleasant it would be if we could learn this vital lesson in our marriages. Men and women come to love one another through sharing the experiences of life, bringing children into the world, building a home and planning for the future together. All too often, though, the mutual respect and focus on the well-being of the other is lacking.

We are human and we are physical. We get tired and have emotional highs and lows. There are times when we feel blue, and perhaps we feel hurt or not wanted. Stresses can build up to the point of a breakdown. Job pressures, physical changes, family struggles and other factors of life all play a role in damaging the pure minded attempt to really show love to one another. In some way every marriage or relationship goes through such highs and lows. We are not like God in that way. Our requests of one another may not be as pure-minded as God’s requests. That is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel despondent about. It simply reflects the fact that we are not as great as God and our respect for Him ought to grow and grow.

True love edifies, makes better, improves and brings joy and all the good things of life.

It is a good exercise for the self, when we strive to consider others above ourselves: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3). That does not mean humiliating the self and developing feelings of worthlessness. We are to love one another as we love ourselves (Matthew 19:19), not more than. We are also to love ourselves.

It is within that realm of always considering the requests we make of others and the manner in which we make them that we have the opportunity to grow to be a bit more like God. We need to move from expressing the carnal reactions to life towards expressing the spiritual. Love, when expressed as God expresses it, is a godly act. It seeks the well-being of the other person. It is expressed well throughout 1 Corinthians 13.

When we treasure the wonderful counsel that God gives about how to live and interact with each other, we quickly understand the value of true love. When we say, “If you love me, you will…,” we will always be requesting something that benefits the person who fulfills that request. We will ask with the well-being of the other in mind, and we will have learned to express love as God does and not as humans so often do.

We may slip from time to time, but we’ll get up and learn from the slip. The righteous man falls seven times (Proverbs 24:16). You can only fall once if you never get back up. Let us learn from our human falling and let us get up and try again and again. Slowly, and then with growing confidence and joy, we will experience the same joy Jesus felt as He gave Himself for you and for me.

The next time you say “I love you,” I trust you will be thinking of what you can do to let that person know you sincerely want their happiness and well-being. It is in giving that we gain the most. You receive love only when you first give it away.