I first encountered Robert* when we were in a church basketball tournament. I was a short, clumsy farm kid with enthusiasm, and he was a tall, talented kid from the inner city with burning intensity. Our paths crossed numerous times during the early '70s, but we never really met.

Years later, I moved to a large city in the southwestern United States to attend a local university. Being new to town, I received an invitation a couple of weeks after my arrival to get together with the young people's group at church. Robert was there, with his wife and new baby, though I didn't remember him then. Introductions were made, and during the course of our conversation, we discovered our mutual history back in the Midwest.

We slowly built a great friendship over the years. He added another son to his family; I got married and had a family. Our families were good friends, sharing dinners out, barbecues, babysitting for each other and lots of other pleasant memories.

But things weren't perfect in Robert's world. He was struggling to make a better place for himself and his family. The local economy went through a recession, and Robert's wife started demanding that he fix their personal finance problems. Changing jobs helped, except that now Robert had less time with the family. Whatever he did, he was always behind the eight-ball, falling short of his wife's expectations.

As the months of stress wore on, Robert started questioning himself and his own abilities. He also began to question why God was allowing this situation in his life to not only continue, but progressively get worse. Depression and self-doubt slowly clouded his daily thoughts and plans. He seemingly could not escape the mounting turmoil at home and work.

Then Robert's family left him. This was devastating. Doubt and despair became Robert's constant companions. The situation deteriorated at work, and his boss let him go for his inability to perform his job properly.

Feeling that his church and God had abandoned him, Robert began to lose what hope for the future he had left. His becoming an insomniac and a heavy drinker only made the future more bleak and depressing.

Nothing I could do or say was of much help. I carefully listened to his pain and anguish, but any encouragement was usually rejected or treated with derision, and challenges to his thinking were scoffed at. The bottom of Robert's soul was rushing to the surface and the barrel of life was almost empty.

The summer of 1994 brought new problems. Robert's ex-wife was threatening to take the two children, who were his only source of joy and resolve, and move to a foreign country to live. Why she was doing this, I do not know. My friendship with her had severely eroded as I stood by Robert during his plight.

My concerns for Robert were becoming overshadowed by problems within my own family. So as our annual church convention approached, I was preoccupied with other things besides Robert's problems.

Robert and I talked for the last time only hours before I left for one of the church's convention sites in Colorado. I remember that he was hoping to see his sons and spend some time with them before their impending departure for foreign shores.

My family returned home late on that Tuesday from our travels, tired, exhausted, and not too civil; so I put off trying to call Robert that evening. One of the first things I did Wednesday morning was try to call, but Robert's phone line was busy all day. Only later did I discover that Robert had called and left messages on his kids' answering machine to say he was sorry, he loved them and good-bye. I was shocked when I was informed on Friday of Robert's death. The sad task of helping his mother, who traveled from the Midwest, make the funeral arrangements was traumatic. At the funeral I gave the committal prayer, as flowers were placed upon his resting-place, fighting back tears and stumbling over the words. It was the most difficult prayer of my life.

Moving on with my own life after Robert's death was a challenge, but through reliance on God and friends within the church, I have been able to come to terms with the sorrow I experienced. Unfortunately, when people go through periods of deep despair, they often don't realize the support system that is available to them. The Psalms are filled with examples of David going through periods of uncertainty and crying out to God for encouragement and strength. The book of Job leads us to the fact that regardless of how dark and stormy our lives may become, God does not abandon us to Satan, contrary to our depressed opinion. While we are tested, we become stronger for surviving the trials and tribulations of this life.

Often times tragedy is required in our lives to motivate us, stirring up faith and inner resources that are too frequently unused. An example of such is the behavior of the disciples after Christ's death. They could no longer lean on Jesus in the way in which they were accustomed. After Christ's death, God used their own abilities, enhanced by the Holy Spirit, to build the Church in an oppressive Roman society. The disciples gave their energy and lives to continue the work that Christ originated.

We need to remember that others have gone through many of the same problems, tragedies and heartaches that we may be going through. The first step in reacting to trials should be to admit to oneself his own frailty and to ask for help. When that step is not taken, tragically it often leads to the decision and action of Robert and so many others.

Like David and the disciples, we can cry out to God--our ultimate support system--for help.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

*Names have been changed to protect the survivors.