Recently I read a very fine description of how a man and woman can complement one another. It was written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in his poem “The Song of Hiawatha”:

     As unto the bow the cord is,
    So unto the man is woman;
    Though she bends him, she obeys him,
    Though she draws him, yet she follows;
    Useless each without the other!

It is amazing how some people are gifted in choosing words to convey such profound thoughts. As I read these lines, the proof of their veracity was confirmed in my memories, experiences and in the statements of the Bible.

The dictionary defines a bow as “a piece of elastic wood or other material for shooting arrows, bent by means of a string stretched between its ends.”

When I was a boy, I made many crude bows and arrows. In summer camps, one of the favorite activities is using a bow and arrow. It fascinates boys and girls.

A friend of mine constructs fine bows and carefully chooses the wood and the cord that is required. Selection of material for both the bow and the cord is crucial for a well-made instrument. The bow is hard and tough; the cord is limp and pliable. But when joined together, a powerful instrument is formed.

The bow and cord are two different types of materials, but they work together in a wonderful complement of each other. It is the unity of the bow and cord that makes this instrument so effective and useful.

The cord is attached to the tips of the bow in such a way that enough tension is given to bend the bow. Used properly, the cord can control the amount of strength and power that the bow can provide. Pulling the cord bends the bow, and its release causes the cord to spring back into its original position, providing the power to send an arrow far.

A foundation of love

In Ephesians 5 the apostle Paul was inspired by God to write some directives for men and women in marriage. He stated that there was to be love in our relationships (verse 2) and that all people should at times submit to others. He went on to state that the wife was to submit to her husband (verse 22) and the husband was to love his wife as Jesus loves the Church (verse 25).
Love is the greatest power that exists, as it is what God is (1 John 4:7-8). The relationship of man and woman is to reflect that foundation. Within that foundation, God gave the need for the wife to rely on her husband. This reliance is not a negative thing; it was a necessity since the woman was to bear and care for children and the man was to provide, protect and fill other needs.

They were to complement one another and thus provide the basis of a stable environment for children to grow in. Children need almost 20 years of this stability to fully mature. Even after becoming adults, people need the stabilizing influence of their parents and grandparents. That is part of why God made marriage for life—“until death do us part,” as we so often hear in marriage vows.

Complementary companions

A woman has the ability and capacity to add immeasurably to the success of her marriage, home and even the career of her husband. The man, too, has similar abilities—but God created them with some differences. Those differences are intended to complement the other just as a cord complements the bow and the bow the cord. It is the harmonious working together that produces the results.

God stated that husband and wife become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), and so the cord and the bow to which it is attached become one instrument. Each part of that instrument plays its unique role, and both parts work in harmony, with each fulfilling different functions. So, too, the man and woman play somewhat different roles within the family, but always complementary to one another, dependent on one another and working in harmony to produce the best results.

When a man and woman fully realize that God created both of them “in His own image” (Genesis 1:27), it is ludicrous for either one to think less of the other. A woman is no less in the image of God than the man and no less valuable. They are different in many ways, but those ways were carefully designed by God to produce the relationship He intended. The differences allow for the best possible arena for each to grow in character, grace and knowledge unto the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:13). The relationship demands respect for the other and appreciation of the various differences.

Children add greatly to this dimension of growth, but they are not the whole story. In marriage a man and woman are to grow together before children enter the picture and continue to do so after the children are grown.

Many people simply do not understand the relationship God intended for a man and a woman. In some societies women are considered of less value and are not treated with the respect and dignity that they, as children of God created in His image, should receive.

In some marriages, women are not treated as equal partners. Yet it becomes very obvious that a woman can make or break a man and make or break a marriage. She has great power. When this is understood and appreciated and when the man understands his role, then the concept God had in mind can bear fruit. Then the relationship can be based on mutual respect and love—true outgoing consideration for one another. Sadly enough, this seems to be a rare thing in our society.

“Neither male nor female”

No matter what we do, in this life our marriages are temporary. They only last as long as we live. But the effect of our spiritual development through our relationships with our mate and others is the stuff that eternity is made of. God promised a resurrection from the dead—a time when all people will live once again.

Paul wrote about this time in Galatians 3:26-28. He says: “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus…there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” What powerful words. Since this is true, it ought to be obvious that there is no room for discrimination or the concepts of superiority and inferiority. In this life we should understand the differences as God intended—but realize they were designed for working together.

Remember, the bow without the cord is useless, as is the cord without the bow.

Recommended reading

For more biblical principles for successful relationships, download or request a free copy of Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension.