One of the worst things a parent can ever experience is the sickness and eventual death of a child. When my son Jake died, I felt like my heart had been slowly ripped out, thrown to the floor, stomped on and then put back in my chest. Afterwards I was expected to go on living. How does a Christian handle this?

One man I met after Jake's death told me that if his son died, he would have to commit suicide. He couldn't go on living. One of the women that I worked with asked me, "How do you go on?" A lady I met a few months ago who lost her two-year-old daughter in a car accident asked, "When does the hurt go away?"

When your child is sick, as a parent, you try everything to make him better. You try prayer, fasting, anointing and every medical option (in our case a heart transplant). You often feel numb with hope. You have faith that your child will be healed. When nothing seems to help, you feel as if you have failed. It's a feeling that your heart is slowly being pulled out of your chest. What's the purpose of this suffering and this pain?

Jacob Lee Whitt was my healthy, 15-year-old son who became sick with flu-like symptoms. I tried to nurse him back to health. Our minister anointed him, but he deteriorated. One evening he felt faint. We rushed him to the emergency room. My prayer on the way was, "Please God don't let him have pneumonia."

When we arrived, the doctors listened to his heart and took x-rays. Jake's heart and liver were enlarged, and they thought he would need a heart transplant. This blew my mind. I felt my heart was the damaged one.

How does a healthy, young, well-behaved Christian teenager suddenly have such a terrible thing happen to him? What caused this? The doctors didn't know. Jake was sent to Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. I was numb. My heart was slowly being squeezed.

They put Jake on IV heart drugs. For four months he became steadily worse. He was placed on the heart transplant list where he soon jumped to the top of the list.

Jake experienced many complications before the transplant. He died and was revived twice before he received his new heart. Jake's new heart came from a 21-year-old girl who died in a car accident. It is a truly selfless act for any family to donate their child's heart so that someone else might have a chance to live.

On the day of his transplant, 104 people were present in the waiting room. The support given to our family was fabulous. Doctors and nurses came to see the young man who so many people loved. News traveled about his good attitude and about his family and concerned friends. The nurses argued over who would take care of him. Later on, after his death, some of those nurses required counseling.

In the three months following Jake's transplant, more complications set in. He had no feeling from the waist down. His kidneys began to fail. They couldn't take him off the respirator because he was too weak. Then he was given a tracheotomy. But the tubes had been down his throat so long he wouldn't stop bleeding. They had to turn him upside down and pack his throat and nose to stop the bleeding. His skin was under-nourished and stretch marks appeared everywhere. Eventually, his whole back was bleeding. When bandages were changed, part of the skin would peel off. His fingernails became loose.

One event that stands out in my mind was when they took out chest tubes and put them back in. I was standing outside his room watching. The doctors jabbed him in the side with the chest tube, and I saw Jake jump. The thought of Jesus Christ being stabbed in the side and all the torture He went through came to me. How did God the Father stand this? How did Mary His mother not break down? Jesus' earthly mother and heavenly Father had to feel this same painful grief that I was experiencing. Surely, I wasn't alone. Their hands were tied like mine. There was nothing they could do. The most perfect Being who ever existed had to die so that we would live. But can you imagine how His Father felt? God is the most loving of all Fathers and He had to go through this. He had the power to save His son from torture and death, but He didn't because of us.

When do we say enough is enough? When it comes to your child when do you say, "Stop! He has suffered enough!"

Jake's new heart was doing fine. His brain was fine. He continually put our feelings before his own even though his body was falling apart. The doctors said he should have died after the first complication and every complication after, but he hung on for his family.

The last time Jake suffered cardiac arrest before his death they split his chest open from pressing on it so hard. We made one of the hardest decisions of our lives at that time. Enough is enough. If he suffers cardiac arrest again, let him go. He had suffered enough. Jake died that night just as the Sabbath was beginning. I made a promise to Jake on his deathbed that I would be with him when he wakes up. At the funeral I felt like my heart had been ripped out, stomped on and shoved back into my chest. The scars were new and deep, but I had to go on. Jake was safe now. No more pain and suffering for him. I knew his spirit was safe with God (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

But how could I begin the healing of my ripped-out heart? How would I make the blood flow again through my veins without pain? How would the scar where my heart resided heal and disappear? Would I take medication to become numb and just prolong the healing? Would I drink to hide the hurt and prolong the hurt? Would I go into a shell and hide from the world? Would I kill myself and risk never seeing my son again?

I knew I could talk to God because He understood my hurt from His own experience. My battered heart began to heal talking to God. I gained comfort from my Creator. I could talk to Him about Jake. When I needed to talk to Jake, I talked to God. God gave me the strength to help the other family members, especially his brother and four sisters who had kept vigil with Jake throughout the devastation of his illness and death.

After the healing process began, I would run into others with deaths in their families. They would open up to me. I asked them questions. I let them tell me about their sorrow. This was a part of the healing that helped both of us. You must talk about the loved one that you've lost.

How do you make the hurt go away? The scars and hurt will fade some with time. But the total healing of our broken hearts will not be complete until the return of our Savior Jesus Christ. We will at this time see our loved ones again (1 Thessalonians 4:14). No more scars will exist on our damaged hearts. It will be as if it never happened. God will erase and make all things new (Revelation 21:4).

But while we are waiting for Jesus' return, we can lighten our scars by helping those that have also gone through death or other troubles. These people need us. We have a bond with and something to offer them. Helping others will help us too.

King David said, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).

Remember, God can mend a stomped-on heart.