A few years ago, I got a temporary job as an administrative secretary. Along with other compliments, the management told me they really loved my work ethic and wanted me to apply for a permanent position. Even though I had no intention of applying with the company, another secretary who was permanent, began treating me poorly. I’ll just call her “Sue.”

Sue would hoard work, butt in on my projects and go out of her way to make me look bad. I was becoming defensive and exasperated by her attacks. She would speak down to me and refuse to let me do some of the work, trying to show her superiority, sometimes even yelling at me. She was jealous and went out of her way to tell me how much she was adored and needed in the office, which she was. I wasn’t sure what to do. So taking inspiration from King David, I prayed about it (Psalms 55:1-3). It wasn’t long until I realized what had to be done. Even though I was not a great fan of Sue at the time, I decided to show her loving kindness.

I took every opportunity to make thoughtful gestures. I started out modestly and worked my way up. To begin, every time I was complimented by one of the managers I would think of a how Sue might have been involved. I would then give her some credit. Something like, “Well thankfully I had Sue’s guidance on what to do,” and I started to notice her surprise at hearing such things from me.

I wanted to make sure I was sincere and never lied, so I was careful and only looked for what was true and thoughtful about her. Sometimes, when I didn’t have a lot of work to do, I would go to her desk and ask if there was anything I could do for her. At first, she resisted, but soon she started allowing me to take on very small menial jobs she had to get done. Her intent was to belittle me, but I would just smile and accept the work gladly. As time passed, she started to give me more to do and gave up responsibility. Little by little I was cracking the hard shell she had formed to keep me out.

Sue was a smoker and would often go out to have a cigarette. One day she told me she was going outside, and I said I would go with her. She paused, but then said okay. I stood away from the streaming cloud of smoke from everyone out there, but close enough to talk to Sue. I used the opportunity to chat about what needed to get done in the office and ask about her son who was similar in age to my son. I always asked her opinion on how she thought I should approach things, not playing stupid, but wanting to hear her thoughts. She was so excited to be put in what she felt was a superior stance that she went on and on. It was not even a problem for me when she acted this way. I looked at it as getting to know her and realized she was just lonely and only had her job to glory in.

What I came to realize is not only was changing my behavior modifying her reactions, it was also changing me. While Sue and I would never be close in my view, she thought very differently after a while. I was surprised to hear her use words like, “We’re a team!” or, “You’re the only one who would understand.” In the end, she wanted me to take the full-time position too. It was such a surprising turn-around.

God wants us to be loving lights to others (Acts 13:47), even those who are challenging. While we can’t always turn people around completely. People do find it difficult to stay angry at those who refuse to be offended and retaliatory in nature. With God’s help, people can change. “He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, and sing praises to Your name” (Psalms 18:48-49).

This is not the first time I have done this. I am trying to make it a natural part of who I am. Together, my husband and I have found that being kind and showing a sincerely patient, forgiving and loving attitude towards those who are angry or overwhelmed can change their day for the positive. And it has the dual impact of changing our attitudes as well.