The gaunt, pale young man explained to me that he was dying. He was sure his illness was punishment from God for his sins. We discussed God's forgiveness, but he had resigned himself to the belief that his sins were so terrible God wouldn't forgive him.

The young man told me doctors claimed his illness wasn't a result of a virus, as he thought, but due to his own imagination. He wouldn't admit it, but it seems unresolved feelings of guilt were literally making him sick.

Feelings of guilt

Guilt is the anxiety you experience because you think you've done something wrong. Some people are overwhelmed with guilty feelings even to the point of emotional breakdown. Others seem to feel no guilt at all no matter how despicable their actions.

The things that make us feel guilty are often determined during our childhood. An emotionally unbalanced family can create strong feelings of guilt in one member when the wrong behavior is actually the responsibility of another. This is common in cases involving adult sexual and physical abuse of children. Many times the abused child will develop overwhelming feelings of guilt when the actual guilt belongs to the adult.

Guilty feelings are manipulated by advertisers to get us to buy products. Husbands and wives are made to feel inadequate if they don't buy expensive gifts for their spouse. Moms and dads are led to believe that they're bad parents if they don't get their children the latest toys, fashions or gadgets.

Who decides what's right and wrong?

This system of thought that makes you feel guilty is called your conscience. The natural development of your conscience is a mixture of conflicting concepts based on natural consequences, society, religion, education and family background.

There are times when you should feel guilty because you actually are guilty of doing something wrong. But where do you find an absolute definition of right and wrong?

One of the most popular stories from the teachings of Jesus Christ is the occasion when a group of people brought to Him a woman who had committed adultery. In that society adultery was a serious crime condemned by the Ten Commandments, and the men wanted to stone her. Jesus told the crowd, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first" (John 8:7).

Many people stop here as if that's the end of the story. How many times has adultery, theft, cheating, lying or worse been excused by someone quoting Jesus' words "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone" as though that negates the sin. The reasoning is that God's forgiveness erases not just personal guilt, but any standards of right and wrong. And without standards, no one would have the right to judge anyone else.

But the last words of Jesus to this woman are often ignored. He told her, "Go and sin no more" (verse 11). Christ knew and taught that there are absolute standards of right and wrong. He told the woman caught in adultery to choose the right and stop doing the wrong.

God's forgiveness doesn't erase your personal responsibility to know the difference between good and evil and to choose the good. God's forgiveness frees you from your destructive ways of thinking and acting so you can learn the ways that lead to a better life.

If you really want to change your life, you must accept that you have committed crimes against the standards of God and that you are guilty before Him. Before your life can get better, you need God's forgiveness and then you must "go and sin no more."

Instead, here's what we often do: When confronted with our moral guilt, many of us try to "plea bargain" with God. The reasoning goes something like: "Sure I've done a few wrong things, but I've never killed anybody. I'm not as bad as most people."

The great flaw in this reasoning is that this would be like going before a court of law and presenting a defense based on, "Since I haven't murdered anyone, you must forgive my armed robbery."

In truth, none of us have a defense before the Righteous Judge of the universe. Without His forgiveness all of us are subject to the penalty of absolute, moral law. Before you can experience God's forgiveness, you must first admit that you are guilty before His standards of morality. This is the basis of the biblical concept of repentance.

A lesson about God's forgiveness

The life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who took on Himself the penalty of our guilt, is central to the Bible's message of salvation. This truth is often ignored in the slick, entertainment-driven postmodern Christianity where the message is to just feel good about yourself.

Conviction of your wrong way of living and thinking, and receiving God's forgiveness, are the first steps in creating a new conscience, a new way of thinking. Because of God's forgiveness you can experience freedom from those nagging guilty feelings and have a personal relationship with your Creator. Then your old concepts of right and wrong based on society and family must be changed to conform to the reality of how life actually works.

Jesus told a parable of a young man who left home and wasted his inheritance on booze, wild women and partying without any consideration of the consequences. One day he found himself wishing he could eat from a pig trough with the pigs. He'd lost his money, his family and friends and his self-respect.

The young man decided that it would be better to return home and hire on as a laborer than to continue in his self-destructive lifestyle. When he arrived home, he told his father, "I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son" (Luke 15:21). The young man expected his father's wrath. Instead, his father was ecstatic because his son gave up his self-destructive ways and returned to his family.

This is how God looks at you. No matter how deep the pit, how hopeless life seems, how many wrong deeds you've committed, God wants you to admit your mistakes and receive His forgiveness and blessings.

Ask for God's help to turn your life around

If you're struggling with guilty feelings, ask God to help you understand what you should really feel guilty about and then ask for His forgiveness to remove the burden of guilt. Jesus proclaimed: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

The apostle Paul captured what it really means to be a Christian when he wrote, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). If you want to go through life living by the standards of "If it feels good, do it," then this message isn't for you. But if you are sick and tired of making the same mistakes, then your life can change.

If you long for deep spiritual fulfillment, then the Creator wants to transform your life. Your Father wants you to return home to take your place as His child. He's waiting for you to take the first step!