One of the best examples of a successful relationship is a happy, lifelong marriage. It begins with a joyful wedding as two people commit themselves to each other. Guests at the reception smother the bride and groom with smiles, hugs, music, laughter, well wishes, gifts and congratulations. With two (and possibly three) of my children getting married within the next few months, I'm looking forward to these special celebrations and praying that each will endure.

On the other hand, some of the saddest moments occur when people end their relationships in bitterness and fighting as they seek a divorce. There are also many other types of estrangement and broken relationships that lead to people being upset with and avoiding each other.

God made us to need other people, and building lasting relationships is important to our happiness. Why, then, can't we always get along?

Finding someone and then developing and keeping a relationship healthy takes work! It takes an investment of time and the ability to listen, share and sometimes say that you are sorry. When you find someone you can communicate and share common interests with, friendships can blossom and remain for a lifetime.

Best friend

How many good friends do you have? I remember a time when a man I worked with for many years announced that I was his best friend. I likewise considered him a friend but was surprised at the emphasis he placed on our relationship. While I have many good and wonderful friends that I love and respect very much, it was great to know that it was reciprocal in this situation.

The saddest thing I can imagine is for someone to go through life with no one to talk to about those things closest to his heart. Elvis Presley made famous the country-western song composed by the legendary Hank Williams, "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry." Consider some of its mournful lyrics:

Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry . . .The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I'm so lonesome I could cry

Just imagining the pain that inspired those lyrics makes one realize the loss that one can feel from losing someone close. There are many sad songs, and the vast majority are about lost love and lost opportunities to be with someone special.

The pain of rejection can cause us to develop elaborate defense mechanisms that avoid real dialogue, including acting like a clown, being the know-it-all, suggesting "I'm better than you" or being a bully. Getting through the facade and connecting with someone can be a challenge. The payoff might be discovering a soul mate or a kindred spirit with whom you can share moments of your life.

The Bible is about relationships

Why is it so hard to develop rapport with some people?

Why is it that some of the greatest challenges in life are in learning to get along with others? Amazingly, the Bible is about relationships, and it offers many wonderful tips we can think about.

The Bible says that the first and great commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul and mind; the second great commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40). The second of these two great summaries of God's law shows us that God wants those created in His image to learn to get along. After all, eternity—the gift God wants to give us—lasts forever, and God wants it to be a happy, not an unhappy, experience.

Sadly, Satan hates peace and harmony (one of his names, Abaddon, means destroyer in Hebrew). He doesn't want human beings to have good relationships. He foments hatred, strife and war. For help in counteracting Satan's influences and have good relationships, see "Keys to Friendship" below.

How to be miserable

But if you really work at it, you can be miserable and without friends. Consider the following recipe for this condition:

"Think about yourself. Talk about yourself. Use 'I' as often as possible. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. Listen greedily to what people say about you. Expect to be appreciated. Be suspicious. Be jealous and envious. Be sensitive to slights. Never forgive a criticism. Trust nobody but yourself. Insist on consideration and respect. Demand agreement with your own views on everything. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them. Never forget a service you have rendered. Shirk your duties if you can. Do as little as possible for others. Note: This recipe is guaranteed to make you miserable and lonely" (Daily Walk, June 29, 1993).

If you want a full and satisfying life, build friendships with others. There is no greater compliment than to have someone consider you a friend. Do you know that Jesus—our Captain and High Priest—wants us to be His friends? In John 15:14 He says, "You are My friends if you do whatever I command you." How could it get any better than to have the great God who made everything want to share the amazing universe and all its secrets with mere mortals like us?

Determine to work on your people skills. Be outgoing, show kindness and invite others to share in experiences that could help bond you together as friends. You won't be lonely, sorry or sad. Instead you will find the joy of brotherhood (referred to in the Scriptures as the unity of the Spirit), which is the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).

People can get along, but it takes effort and hard work. Anyone can walk away from a difficult situation or foreclose on relationships, but it takes a peacemaker and a leader to develop friends. Why don't you challenge yourself to see how well you can get along with others in your world? VT

Keys to Friendship

• Be friendly. The Bible shows that to have friends, we must be friendly ourselves (Proverbs 18:24). To begin any friendship, someone must break the ice and try to connect. Yet with so many selfish people looking to take advantage of others, it is no wonder some don't want to risk a potential confrontation. The key to unlocking the door to someone's protective shield might be as simple as a smile, a kind word or a willingness to offer a helping hand.

• Love your neighbor as yourself. This command of God ensures that we make an effort to build relationships and develop concern for others. Love is outgoing concern, the opposite of selfishness. If you want to be lonely all your life, just focus continually on yourself.

• Think the best, not the worst. Give people a chance by getting to know them as individuals. It's easy to discount someone of another race or ethnic origin, from another school, etc. Don't judge someone until you get to know him or her. You will be surprised how people can be different from what you imagined.

• Learn to be generous. Giving is a way of life, and little gifts of listening, helping and showing concern go a long, long way in relationships. The Bible says, "What is desired in a man is kindness" (Proverbs 19:22). A good way to begin a positive relationship is to invest in it. This takes effort. Give a compliment, a note or a small gift. Sharing with someone can be the door that opens an opportunity to get to know another person at a deeper level.

Friendships often begin with shared experiences. Doing wholesome and exciting things together can build powerful bonds. Each year at United Youth Camps, teens from all over the country participate in challenge and adventure activities that build strong friendships. We learn so much about each other when we have a common goal, work together and depend on each other as we do at these camps.

These experiences are often the beginning of good, healthy, lifelong relationships. If you are a teen and haven't been to a United Youth Camp, why not give it a try? If you are older, there are many other challenging venues to explore that can also provide opportunities to make friends.